So much to say, so little time...

Boy is Barack Obama in deep doo-doo. When news broke about Jeremiah Wright a few months ago, Obama was forced to make his infamous Philadelphia speech - which at the time, did little to aleve the country's concerns about the influences in his life. While it did mobilize his base, it also began to show cracks in Obama's veneer.

After reviewing and re-reviewing his speech, I now realize that Obama had little choice but to say what he said. Especially in light of what happened over the weekend. With the spotlight back on Wright - after a weekend of wall-to-wall Wright coverage on the networks - Obama decided he needed to completely sever his ties to his former pastor and mentor.

The dilemma Obama is now faced with is coming from both sides of the issue. On the right, the question is what took so long? On the left - and primarily from the African American community - the question is why he felt the need to throw Wright under the bus. That community is asking if Obama made yesterday's remarks because he was forced to compromise for "Whitey"?

The answer will tell us what we need to know about the Obama, the Candidate - and either way, the answer is not good.

Al Sharpton - a man who knows a thing or two about race baiting - criticized Obama for his remarks regarding the Sean Bell verdict. Reverend Al was upset when Obama called for a "non-violent" response (which, given Sharpton's history was a very responsible thing to do). Sharpton, on the other hand, said that he hoped Obama would take the Bell's side (he never said he didn't) and that he shouldn't use this opportunity to "grandstand in front of white people.”

So what is Obama to do? On one hand, he is criticized for not separating himself from the black community and on the other hand, he's criticized for doing it.

This may well be the one and only reason this country may not be ready to elect a black President (even though Obama is technically "mixed-raced").

The truth is, race plays a very big part in politics - especially on the left. The Party that demands to be the Party for everyone is truly the Party for no one. Aside from the obvious issue of electing the first woman or the first black, the Democrats can't even come to terms with who they are.

The critical question for Obama becomes which constituency is he running with? For election purposes, it's clear that Obama understands that without the white vote, he no longer can win nomination. By throwing Wright under the bus, he's saying that the white vote is more important. The only reason he is right is because the white population is bigger than the black population. He is also banking on the fact that he will still win the majority of the African-American regardless.

This tells us one big thing about the Senator from Illinois - that his platform of "Change You Can Believe In" is no different than politics as usual. Obama's biggest mistake was his not being true to who he really is. And after so many months on the campaign trail, do we - or anyone else - really know who he is?

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Paula, Paula, Paula...

There are three possible reasons Ms. Abdul short-circuited on last night's American Idol. For those of you who missed it, because of time restraints (each contestant was charged with performing two songs each and the show was only on for one hour), Ryan Seacrest announced that all the judge's critique's would take place after they all performed performed their first songs.

When Syesha Mercado, the fifth contestant finished her very good rendition of "Hello Again" (the mentor for the evening was the great Neil Diamond and the songs were all penned by him), Ryan called all five of them back up to center stage and asked the three judges for a quick comment about each. Randy Jackson went first (as always) and gave 1-2 word comments ("bland", "the bomb", "hot"...). Then came the train wreck known as Paula Abdul. The first contestant was Jason Castro, who sand "Forever in Blue Jeans." It wasn't terribly good, but it wasn't awful either (IMHO). This is what Paula said to him:

''Jason, the first song I loved hearing your lower register, which we never really hear. The second song, I felt like your usual charm wasn't...it was missing for me, it kind of left me a little empty. And the two songs made me feel like you're not fighting hard enough to get into the top four.''

Uh, second song?

After being told of her error, Ms. Abdul stuttered:

"I thought you—Oh my god, I thought you sang twice!…You know what, this is hard! You know what, I'm looking at, it's your notes, David [Cook]. You were fantastic."

Hard? My G-d! What could be easier than listening to a song being performed right in front of you and saying something..anything about it? Considering the fact that she rarely says anything substantive in the first place, I find it hard to listen to her.

Now generally, I am not a conspiracy theorist. However, I can only see four reasons for such a glaring mistake.

1. The rumors of Paula drinking something stronger than Coca-Cola on the set are, in fact, true.

2. Reading and writing are way above her qualifications.

3. She wrote the critique based on the dress rehearsals, and not the actual show.

4. The show is completely scripted.

While numbers one and two may sound good, they are unlikely. Therefore, we must assume that either she based the comments on the rehearsals - thereby predetermining Jason not on his performance last night in front of a live audience, but on a practice which he may, or may not have been fully ready for. Or, American Idol is as rigged as professional wrestling.

Considering that the show has such a huge audience (and that the contestants have been receiving over 30 million votes), this is very troubling.

And if I were Jason Castro, I would be livid. This 20-something-year-old kid does not deserve the slap he just received. After hearing that it really didn't matter how well he performed his second song, he was immediately called upon to perform it. What do you think went through his mind?

I realize American Idol is just a TV show, but it is arguably the biggest TV show of them all. If it is deemed fixed, the amount of money that the show generates would be a huge loss. Scandals brought down a game show before, but it was not nearly as financially relevant as is American Idol. Remember, this is the show that brought in over $60,000,000 for charity this past month through the Idol Gives Back show.

In other words, it's not chump change.

From my perspective, there is only one thing the producer's of Idol can do. On tonight's episode, Paula must apologize to Jason and must admit to critiquing him on his dress rehearsal.She also needs to make it clear that it won't happen again. America accepts apologies and they rue cover ups. As far as Ms. Abdul is concerned, this needs to be her last year on the show. Her meltdowns and gaffe's are no longer amusing. They have become potentially devastating.

It's never good when you have a stress test and biopsy scheduled for the same day. I have to admit, I was a little upset when after they shaved an area of my chest to put the leads on, they then decided to put the leads somewhere other than where they shaved.

But that wasn't the worse part.

During the stress test (because of my back and knees, I don't do the treadmill - instead, they pump me up with dopamine to make my heart race), they had to twice take off the leads so they could do an echo of my heart. Why they couldn't do the echo before they put those damn stickers on is beyond me.

Luckily, I remembered to take Vicodin as soon as I arrived at the hospital. Considering how rough my nurse was (let's refer her to as Eva Braun), I needed it. Since my transplant, half my chest is numb and the other half is hyper-sensitive. Guess which side she focused on?

From there, I went to have my blood drawn. Thankfully, the nurse at the stress test left my IV port in. But it also meant that the phlebotomist could only suck the blood out one one arm. And yes, it took more than one poke to get the vein.

Next came the biopsy. By now, all 15mgs of the Vicodin was in my system. I was in such high spirits that I was singing to the music in the room ("Jailhouse Rock"). But before I even went into the biopsy room, I was placed in a holding area. But it was okay since I was able to lay down and enjoy my high.

Now understand, ever since my transplant in 2002, I've had a lot of biopsies. At first, I had them every week. Then, every other week, then once a month for 3 months and then once every three months and finally, once a year. Because of all of these procedures, I have built up a tremendous amount of scar tissue around my neck (only for the first year did the doctors access my heart through my groin).

Well, as soon as he began injecting the lidocaine, I was no longer in the mood to sing. The pressure and the pain I was experiencing was on the verge of excruciating. Finally, I gave in and begged the doctor for some Versed (a pain killer). With the Vicodin and now the Versed, I finally was able to tolerate the biopsy.

When it was over, I had to spend two hours laying down so I could drive home.

And that's when the really weird stuff happened.

I pulled out of the parking garage at the University of Chicago Hospital and lo and behold, it was snowing. Now I will admit it wasn't a lot of snow, but still it's April 28th for goodness sake!

That lead me to wonder about my future (yeah, I know, what else is new - but this is serious).

Chicago is a cold, make that, frigid city. Winter here starts in October in full force and yet it snows in April. Now keep in mind I have rheumatoid arthritis and each year it seems to be getting more and more painful.

On the other hand, my children live in Chicago and they're - well maybe "happy" isn't the right word - settled here.

There are a myriad of reasons why I should leave Chicago. Anything from my physical health, relationships and the fact that Chicago is so friggin' expensive (yeah I know New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles are more). The sales tax is 10%, a gallon of gas costs $3.75 and only New Orleans has a more corrupt city government. Yeah, there are some nice parks and the lake is pretty. But on the other hand, we have Oprah. I like the Cubs, but then on the other hand, they ARE the Cubs.

It would be so easy to move somewhere where it was warm, sunny and open. It isn't like I haven't moved before. In a lot of ways, my quality of life and, perhaps more importantly, my longevity would improve.

But on the other hand, I love my children very much and my leaving would destroy them (I think). Although since the separation, I spend only one night a week with each child, the quality of those visits is wonderful. Right now, I can not leave them.

On the other hand (I sound just like Tevye), how many more winters can I stand before I become crippled?

I hate when I think about my future.

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Speaking of the future, kudos to my Dallas Cowboys on their recent draft. I know some in Dallas are upset that by taking Felix Jones, they bypassed Rashard Mendenhall - who many considered the second best running back in the draft. But for this team, Jones makes more sense. Especially since they have committed to starting Marion "the Barbarian" Barber. Plus, Dallas drafted Tashard Choice, who is very similar to Barber, to give them insurance should Barber leave via free agency next year.

With their second pick in the 1st round (they had two picks after getting the pick in a trade with Cleveland last year), they took cornerback Mike Jenkins. Considered by many to be the most NFL-ready cornerback in the draft, he is a steep upgrade over Jacques Reeves and regardless of whether Pacman Jones stays clean, will be a key player for a number of years for the Cowboys.

Two of heir last three picks were were guys who were thought to be taken my higher in the draft, but for one reason or another, slipped a little. The most interesting pick was Martellus Bennett, a big tight end from the University of Texas. Just before the draft, Dallas traded back up tight end Anthony Fasano to Miami for a fourth round pick.

Should Pacman stay clean, this off season may well be one of the finest in team history.

There were three notable deaths in the entertainment industry this week.

The first of the three was singer/songwriter Paul Davis, what at 60-years-old, died of a heart attack in his hometown of Meridian, Mississippi. Davis was a struggling artist in the 1970's when he hit paydirt with his single, "I Go Crazy," which at the time held the record for most consecutive weeks on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

After "I go Crazy", and it's follow-up single, "Sweet Life", Davis returned to the charts in 1980 with the Christian-themed, "Do Right," featuring a terrific a Capella arrangement. The following year, he charted again with two singles off of his album Cool Night, which featured the title track and his last major radio hit, "'65 Love Affair." After that, Davis retired to anonymity.

The second death this week was of soul singer Al Wilson. Ironically, Wilson was also from Meridian, but had less chart success than Davis.

Mostly known for his only number one hit, "Show and Tell" in 1974, Wilson was a major player in the soul circuit through most of the 1970's.

Both artists, although not heard from for years, will be missed.

The third death is not of an artist, but of a team. I, of course, refer to the Texas Rangers.

Yeah, I know they die early most every year, but this year is quite different. You see, I have been a big fan of the Rangers since their inaugural year of 1972 and never have I seen a team as inept for so, so long. You can say want you want about the Cubs or the Red Sox, but at least they went to a World Series. In fact, aside from Tampa Bay Rays - who have only been the league for 10 years, the Texas Rangers are the only team to have never won a playoff series.

Their moment of true glory came in 1996, when through some force of luck, they took a 1-0 series lead on the New York Yankees in the playoffs. It was the only playoff game the team has ever one. The curse/bad luck of the team is legendary. Two years earlier, the Rangers actually stood atop the division when the season ended for the first time in history - only to have the playoffs cancelled due to the strike. But even during that magical year, they could only muster a 52-62 record.

Here is a breakdown of the "bad luck" this team has dealt with:

1973 - after losing 100 games the year before, Texas fires manger Ted Williams and turns the team over to Whitey Herzog. Herzog loses 105 games and gets fired before the season ends. He then goes to Kansas City and becomes a wildly successful manager there.

1974 - Upon hiring Billy Martin to manage, Texas needs to make up 5 games on Oakland to win the division. With a month to go, they have 2 of the winningest pitchers in the league in Fergie Jenkins (21-10 at the time) and Jim Bibby (19-14). Over the last four weeks, Bibby losses all of his games and finishes 19-19. The Rangers lose the division by 5 games. Martin is fired the next season and Texas becomes the only team he didn't lead to a World Series.

Also in 1974, to boost attendance, the Rangers sign 18-year-old David Clyde and immediately promote him to the big leagues where he wins his first game in front of the team's first sellout. Clyde, a "can't miss" high school prospect goes on to lose a lot of games and is out of baseball in two years.

1977 - While starting off the season poorly, Texas fire manager Frank Luccesi and replace him with former big leaguer Eddie Stanky. Stanky promptly quits the very next day, saying he was homesick. Connie Ryan replaced Stanky for 6 games before they settled on Billy Hunter, who would lead Texas to a 60-33 record over the last 93 games, just missing the playoffs.

1978 - Hunter is fired. Before the start of a game against the Detroit Tigers on April 12, 1978, starting pitcher Roger Moret was spotted in the Ranger locker room in a catatonic state, with his arm extended holding a shower slipper. He was immediately taken to a psychiatric facility.

1981 - With a players strike looming, the Rangers lose to Oakland and fall one-half game behind the A's. Unfortunately, the strike began the next day. When play resumed after the strike, the league decided the winners from each half of the season would meet in the playoffs. The Rangers lost the second half of the season to Kansas City (and Whitey Herzog) and missed the playoffs altogether, although the team had the best combined record in the American League.

1984 - To punctuate another brutal year, California Angels starter Mike Witt throws a perfect game against Texas on the season's last day. The Rangers finish 69-92. Dead last, again.

1985 - Because they can't find an easier way to suck, the Rangers send Ron Darling and Walt Terrell to the New York Mets for Lee Mazzilli, who apparently lost his legs a couple of years prior. Darling goes on to be a main reason the '86 Mets win the World Series.

1986 - Pete Incaviglia Hits 30 home runs, which come to one home run for every 6 strikeouts - a new league record in futility.

1989 - The Rangers continue their decent into future decline by trading Sammy Sosa and Wilson Alverez to the Chicago White Sox for 93-year-old Harold Baines and a bag of magic beans. Baines lasts less than a full season with the club. Sosa goes on to hit 1,874 home runs.

1993 - Bobby Valentine sets a club record by managing his 7th straight non-playoff qualifying Texas Rangers.

Also in 1993, Jose Canseco let's a ball bounce off of his head,and then blows out his arm pitching the final inning of and early season game. Losing his bat in the middle of the order destroys any change at reaching the playoffs.

2000 - After reaching the playoffs 3 times in 4 years, the Rangers inexplicably change their colors back to Blue (they had been red since they began winning).

2001 - Owner Tom Hicks gets pwned by Scott Boros and signs Alex Rodriguez to a 10-year, $250,000,000 contract. In layman's terms, that means Rodriguez will receive $156,250 every time he plays a game. Or in other words, $219,000 every time he has a bowel movement - guaranteed.

2004 - In a fit of sheer brilliance, Hicks decided that although Alex Rodriguez has broken every team record during his three years with the club, it makes more sense to send him to the rival New York Yankees - although he will still be paid by Texas.

2005 - Kenny Rogers beats up a cameraman. It is the first sign of any fight in the teams history.

2006 - In two years of wheeling and dealing, manager Buck Showalter trades pitcher Chris Young and Adrian Gonzalez to the Padres for Okinora Otsuka and Adam Eaton. Young and Gonzalez lead a resurgent San Diego baseball franchise, while Otsuka is out of baseball and Eaton is sucking for another team.

2007 - Because you can never have too few good pitchers, the Rangers send John Danks to the Chicago White Sox for Brandon McCarthey. Danks is currently the ace of the Sox staff while McCarthey leads the team in games lost due to injuries.

2008 - In another shrewd move only the Rangers can make, Texas releases Armando Galarraga ad trades Ednison Volquez (the second of the famed DVD boys - Danks, Volquez and Diamond. They keep Diamond because he is keeping the 60-day disabled list warm). Both Galarraga and Volquez (along with John Danks) lead their respective teams in ERA. Texas, on the other hand, ranks dead last at 5.54.

So now, my friends, with a 7-16 record, the worst in the American League, I pronounce the 2008 Texas Rangers. While the minor league teams affiliated with the Rangers look strong, it of course, is only a matter of time before the best prospects there as well will be sold off for that magical bag of beans.

I'd like to wish all of you a happy and healthy Passover. May G-d grant you what you desire and may we all witness the end of war and struggle. May Jerusalem remain undivided and may the Jewish people continue to be a light among nations.

I had a disagreement with a friend today about Jimmy Carter. Well, maybe "friend" is not the right word, but certainly an acquaintance. Unfortunately, he isn't someone who accesses the computer, so I doubt he will read what I'm about to write.

The discussion started when he asked me what I thought about the former President's visit to Gaza and his embracing Nasser Shaer, a senior Hamas politician and presenting a wreath at the tomb of mass murderer Yasir Arafat.

Since I have never held back my feelings for Mr. Carter, his Presidency or his so-called legacy, I was quite animated in my disgust of Carter's actions. But I never raised my voice, nor did I call the former President anything bad. I simply, yet sternly, pointed out that by meeting with members of the Hamas government, he was legitimizing the propaganda that they are spreading around the world. I mentioned as well that this was far from the first time he had done this and each time he has, it has led to further death and destruction along the way. Of course, I was thinking about his meetings in North Korea in 1994 and his "certification" of the rigged Venezuelan election in 2004.

My friend disagreed. He felt that talking to Hamas is the right thing to do. His reasoning is "how do make peace if we aren't willing to listen?"

I should mention that he is voting for Obama.

I thought about his comment for a moment and my first reaction was, "wow, that may just be the most naive answer I've ever heard."

I tried to tell him that we have been listening, but that Hamas is not interested in real peace. He didn't buy it. He gave me the same lecture someone else gave me in the 1980's about the Soviet Union, which was basically repeating the lyrics for Sting ("I hope the Russians love their children too").

He told me that Hamas has a legitimate gripe and that they have been elected by the Palestinian people to be their government. I was not even going to question him on what a "Palestinian" is. I then asked him what he thought Hamas' gripe was and he told me that they just want their homeland and for Israel to stop their incursions into their land.

So I asked him why he thought Israel was the agressor and he told me it was because Israel has nuclear weapons and they fear that they will be used against them. That was also why it would be wrong for President Bush to attack Iran - who obviously have every right to nukes as we do.

Now, here's where I made a mistake. I should have just walked away from him and just write him off as a moral-equivalent waste of human flesh. But you know what? He pissed me off. I knew right there and then that I was not going to win a battle with a man who knew too little to be arguing with. So I told him that he was crazy and that if it were up to people like him, we'd all be speaking German today.

He basically called me a right-wing nut job and I laughed at him.

But tonight, I wanted to show him (or anyone else who is still wondering "how do make peace if we aren't willing to listen?"

The answer is that we are listening. We just don't like what we're hearing. We don't like it so much, that we are refusing to accept it as truth. Because we ourselves can not fathom anyone else not thinking like we do, we can not believe that they are actually evil to the core.

I will give you this example from just this week:

A sermon last Friday by a prominent Muslim cleric and Hamas member of the Palestinian parliament openly declared that "the capital of the Catholics, or the Crusader capital," would soon be conquered by Islam.

Did I miss something? Was that not what he said?

Look, I can give you hundreds, if not thousands of quotes from the lowest level official to the Prime Minister of the PA himself stating that their ultimate goal is the destruction of Israel and the complete overthrow of western civilization.

Excuse me Donny, What am I missing? What more do I need to hear that will prove otherwise?

All I hear now is that they want to kill me and my people - and ultimately, freedom. Jimmy Carter has spend the better part of 30 years bringing that to fruition.

Aside from being a blatant anti-Semite, he has become a nightmare and he needs to be stopped. The Bush administration has not acted wisely in this matter. While they said the right things and refused to sanction his plans, they should have done more to stop him. He is an embarrassment to the country and to the free world.

Jimmy, you have always lied down with snakes and sewer rats. I suppose it's no surprise that you turned into one.

Random Musings

While I have to say I'm stunned that the Israeli government is shunning Jimmah Carter's visit with the Jew-killers of Hamas,I can't help but be certain their actions are purely political. Seriously, since when has Prime Minister Olmert EVER stood up for something noble?

Is the global warming fraud over? More and more scientists are coming forward and telling us what most of us figured out already - that WE DON'T KNOW ENOUGH. But, shhh, don't tell Al Gore. He still claims that the only people who don't buy into his junk science are flat-earthers and those who believe the moon landing was staged in the Arizona desert.

Me? I always thought it looked like Nevada.

Why did Barack fire his delegate, Linda Ramirez-Sliwinski, who called a neighbor’s children “monkeys,” because they were climbing in trees, but still can not distance himself from Jeremiah Wright? No wonder the Democrat Party is in such a bind - they're having to choose between two candidates who are exactly alike.

When Nancy Pelosi shut down the debate on the Colombian Free Trade agreement, she proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Democrat partisanship trumps our nation's interests every time. All that she managed to do with this little stunt was to slap the face of one of our best allies in Central America - and the one leader who is actually on our side in the war against drugs. Even her own Party has been critical of this move.

Of course, according to Obama and Clinton, free trade is the work of the devil. And don't even get me started on Obama's comments about religion, guns and bitterness!

I don't much care for the Olympics, as I've stated in the past. Ever since the Munich games continued despite the murder of the 11 Israeli athletes in 1972, I've been a bitter critic of them. As far as President Bush attending the opening ceremonies, I have to agree that it would be best for him to not attend, however. Even though China has opened up considerably in the last number of years, they are still a most brutal regime. I can't equate this year's games with Berlin 1936, but since these games have been a showcase for their host countries, there is no reason we have to ignore the deeds of the Chinese.

Maybe I'm just naive. But I still don't understand why a woman's right to her body trumps an innocent babies right to live. We have become so selfish that we believe our own desires are more important than someone elses. As a society, we have raised a generation of children bred on entitlements and government dependency to such an extreme that we no longer care about right and wrong, just "what's in it for me."

This explains the Democrats as a Party. I have noticed (and have mentioned it before) that many, many Democrats are "one-issue" voters. The issue may be "Gay rights", "Pro-choice", "anti-war," while most Republicans have a broader approach. Of course, most on the right will tell you that homeland security is THE most important issue, but they will not elect someone just based on that one issue (Rudy Giuliani).

When you look at the broad scope of the election, you can see how that is playing out. Blacks are overwhelmingly voting for Obama, white women for Hillary. What I still don't understand, however, is why the Jews are still so heavily Democrat. Yes, I know it comes from their long-standing devotion to minority rights. But nowadays, it seems so sensless. The Democrat Party has become so flooded with anti-Semitism, socialism and really, anti-Americanism, that it seems Jews are voting against their core beliefs. As Joe Lieberman said, "I didn't leave the Democrat Party, the Democrat Party left me."

When will we Jews realize the same?

Like most of the viewers, I was surprised that Michael Johns was eliminated from American Idol so soon. Unlike the people I spoke to who were near tears, I was never that much of a fan of his. I felt that he was too adored by the judges and never really did anything that stood out. I was surprised to see him go before some others, but I didn't expect he'd make to the top 2-3.

I'm still most impressed with David Cook and I would like Carly Smithson so much more if she would wear sleeves and not be so angry on stage as much. Brooke White, who was one of my favorites going in, seems to have lost her confidence and I still can not see buying an album (CD, whatever) by David Archuletta. For this week, I'm not the least bit excited about watching them take on Mariah Carey. I can only imagine what song Jason Castro is going to attempt.

This past week, I added a number of new links to the side of my blog that I frequent regularly. In light of these, I've decided to promote them individually over the next few weeks in the hope that you will enjoy them as much as I do.

One of the websites I added recently is a humor site called The Nose on Your Face. I don't recall exactly how I came upon it, but I'm certainly glad I did. This website is purely partisan and conservative, although I would prefer to call it logical. Anyway, I deeply enjoyed today's post, called "Richard Warman, Esquire: A Dr. Seuss From Beyond The Grave Tale." I hope you like it too.

For those unfamiliar with the serial-lawsuiterer (serial sewer, anyone?), this will give you a nice heads up.

In maple leaf land roams a man most unique

So sit back and relax, for your interest he’ll pique.

He goes by the handle Richard Warman, Esquire

But others might call him a professional crier.

Yes, Richard has endured greetings far less than warm,

Why? Many say it is simply poor form.

Or maybe it’s just that he’s misunderstood,

For in his heart Richard only strives to do good.

I am quite perplexed by these terrible letters,

From those not accepting their Islamic betters.

Are burkas so bad? Must women learn?

Why make flags flammable if they weren’t meant to burn?

“Free speech” is always their rallying cry,

But please, is it “free” if your words make me cry?

For that is the crux of the matter you see,

Richard has a soul far more gentle than thee.

He holds housefly funerals, gets choked up by rain!

Far more than Bill Clinton, he does feel your pain.

He hugs the crushed chips in the big bag of Lays,

When he heard Waldo was lost, he sobbed nine long days!

And if there comes a time that you must controvert him,

Please use sticks or stones, ‘cuz words surely will hurt him.

More likely to sip a cosmo than a lager,

What really gets him verklempt are those neo-con bloggers.

Oh the words that they use oh those words, words, words, words!

Each one that they write gives me fits, flots, and flurds!

Don’t they realize just what their scary ideas might do

If there were no Richard Warman protecting you?

That Ezra Levant published Mohammed cartoonies,

Free Dominion is chock full o’ right wingy loonies!

Kate McMillan’s mean prose always gives me a frown,

And Kathy Shaidle maintains that I pee sitting down!

Did you know Jonathan Kay of the National Post

Is Hitler’s first cousin, far more vicious than most?

With his pluck and his grit, Richard takes on these cads

Else their cruel words leave hapless folks feeling quite bad.

At the top of the heap is that villain Mark Steyn,

Who I’ve chosen to let slide just this one time.

That Steyn is a scoundrel, he fills me with dread,

But damned if I can get that man out of my head!

That distinguished beard, oh-so-perfectly groomed

The accent that’s made many mere mortals swoon.

South African? British? I can’t quite detect,

But when he speaks, ‘neath my belt the blood all defects.

That hiney, those pecs, fairly make me scream out,

“Hey there big guy, you been working out?”

But alas, as you see, I’ve begun to digress

(As often happens to me from his pure Steyninesss).

Though briefly distracted from his most noble of causes,

Richard Warman, Esquire takes the shortest of pauses.

Then quickly returns to the business he should,

Filtering mean speech for the far greater good.

Tis a burden quite great, to you I confess,

Having always to judge for my country what’s best.

If I let my guard down for even a sec,

Why your minds would be filled with the most vile dreck!

What, you might ask, drives this warrior on?

What makes him right wrongs from late dusk until dawn?

Some say as a child he received one wedgie too many

From Dalton, Ned, Zeke, and that one-legged dwarf Benny.

He limped home that night, quite embarrassed and swollen,

And commenced extracting his briefs from his colon.

And when he was calm, and his insides undressed,

He looked in the mirror and whispered one word: “unless.”

Unless I fight back, unless they all pay,

Other kids might get super-wedgies today!

Or-even worse- someone might speak to them curtly,

And leave them with feelings all injured and hurtly.

Or, horror of horrors, disagree with their themes,

Rendering their lives battles ‘gainst low self-esteem.

So pay they all must, for I will make a stand

How much? I’d say roughly ’bout fifty grand.