Where Has The Time Gone?

“I don’t know why fortune smiles on some, but lets the rest go free” – Don Henley

Twenty years.

Wow. Two decades. 1,040 weeks. 7,304 days. You get the idea. It was some time ago.

1984. That’s what it was. It was the year Geraldine Ferraro ran for Vice-President. The year Apple computer ran was perhaps the most memorable Super Bowl commercial ever. It was the year George Michael whispered carelessly and Frankie told the world to relax. It was the year everyone was calling the Ghostbusters and listening to Amadeus. It’s the year Marvin Gaye, Richard Burton and “Tarzan” (Johnny Weismuller) died and LeBron James, Prince Harry and Mandy Moore were born.

It was half my lifetime ago. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been thinking about it lately. Throughout my life, I’ve always been cognizant of birthdates and anniversary dates. It was a way to take a look at where I was and where I was going. I’m sure it annoys my wife (a perk!), but I like it.

The problem is I too often get melancholic. This is especially true since I was given a new lease on life with my heart transplant. Alan Jackson has a song out now called, “Remember When” and he makes the point of how he got where he is. It tends to get on the corny side, but it’s a pretty song and it got me thinking about where I was in 1984 and where I am today.

20 years ago, I was going thru the motions in both my educational and personal life. I had a bad breakup that year and made some really good friends. I wasn’t yet feeling the pressure of having to grow up and I guess you could say I took this year to find myself. The only problem was I had no idea where to look. I have always believed that there are three paths in the road of life. One to lead you to extreme happiness, one to lead you to contentment and one to lead you to misery.

For the last 20 years, I was pretty sure I followed the last one. My first mistake was not getting my degree. Had I just finished school, I could have done whatever career I wanted. I could have worked for the betterment of the Jewish community or maybe youth work or even in the stock market.

Ok, that doesn’t help my argument. I did that already.

How about this one – if I’d only had worked on the relationship I had that ended that year, I could be married and have children! It was something I’ve always wanted.

Ummm, no. Can’t use that one either, since I’m already married with children (please insert your Al Bundy joke here!).

Here’s a good one – if I’d just followed the doctor’s warnings about my heart, I’d never have had a heart attack. Yeah. That’s a good one.

Oh yeah, they never had a clue.

So what is it that makes me feel like I chose the wrong path? Many of the decisions I have made in my life have not always worked out. Perhaps I shouldn’t have taken this job or moved to that city. I do believe that sometimes we make our own luck and perhaps I never knew how. But then again, maybe I do. Many people have suffered from “Paralysis by Analysis”. I haven’t. I’ve made decisions that sometimes aren’t the best, but in the meantime, were the right decisions at the time. I can’t say that I don’t regret some of them, but looking back, I can’t think what I would have done differently without the benefit of hindsight.

So what is it that makes me feel so forlorn? Is life so bad that I feel the need to reconnect with 1984? As I sit here and write this, I notice two of my boys playing so nice with each other (nice, but LOUD). My daughter is singing a song in her room (ay-yi-yi, where did she get her taste in music?) and my wife is explaining how to make a milkshake to my youngest. I have survived something that very few people do and being home on disability gives me the time to write and spend with my family. In the many places I’ve lived, I have met many wonderful people (many NOT so wonderful as well) and have seen America in all its glory.

As Don Henley also told us, “these days are gone forever, we should just let them go”.

Maybe I should.

Maybe I picked the right path after all.