Five and a Half Months

Five and a half months. That's how long my hiatus from blogging has lasted. And you know what, I'm nowhere near back to being healthy. From the time I last posted, back in November, I seem to have gone thru one after another illnesses.

Initially, I took the time off because it was discovered my kidneys were failing. That wasn't a huge surprise, since I've known they would eventually go since I had a humeral rejection of my donated heart (around 9 years ago). Perhaps I lived in denial for the past decade. But even though I know the kidneys would eventually fail, they remained functional, and at times even stable.

But I had been feeling very run down since early September, with a number of emergency room visits. In early October, my cardiology team informed me that my creatinine level was no longer at an acceptable level and that I would need to begin dialysis immediately. I was assured that once I starte dialysis I would begin to feel much, much better.

Sadly, that wasn't the case.

While I tolerated the dialysis well (aside from tiring me out), my symptoms were not dissipating, In fact, they were getting worse. By the beginning of November, my breathing was labored and I felt bad congestion in my lungs. It was significantly worse at night. Finally, I was admitted to Evanston Hospital where they discovered I had a blood clot in my lung. I was admitted to the University of Chicago Hospital, where I stayed for about a week, while they pumped me with blood thinners.

However, within a few days of going home, the symptoms persisted.

At this time, I was already having regular dialysis sessions at a dialysis center in Evanston. Also, I began to see a local nephrologist, closer to home (and affiliated with Evanston Hospital, just 20 minutes from my apartment). As the symptoms persisted, this new nephrologist recommended going to Evanston Hospital's ER, where he would monitor my care.

For whatever reason, my stay at Evanston lasted 3 weeks. It was discovered that I had multiple clots in my lungs and in my calves. So the length of my stay was determined by how well I responded to the blood thinners. The big problem I was having from this was severe bruising, which isn't uncommon while on blood thinners. Two days before discharge, I began to feel considerably lightheaded and dizzy. In addition, I was having severe anxiety episodes.

The day I was scheduled to be discharged, my dialysis treatment was delayed till late in the day. Because it was already past 7pm, I managed to convince the hospital staff to let me stay an additional night - hoping that I would be okay to drive home during the daylight hours the next day. My car had been parked outside the ER since I was admitted and it was discovered I had a flat tire. Not wanting to deal with that at night (nor having any means to fix it at night), they agreed to keep me one additional night. However, I could tell they didn't believe me when I told them how dizzy I was. The truth was that I was also enjoying taking Dilauded thru an IV push. It still is the only drug that eliminates my gout and back pains. It was also the drug of choice to ease the significant pain from the bruising. But it's highly addictive. So I understood why they questioned my symptoms. However, the lightheadedness was very real.

I arranged for my tire to be fixed and was discharged from the hospital that next day. The medical staff felt I was well enough to get back to my daily routine and nothing I could do or say was going to make a difference.

Boy, was THAT a mistake.

I still don't know how I managed to drive myself home. But with no recourse, I went home. By the end of the week, the symptoms were no better. But I was told it will just take time for my brain to adjust to returning to normal activity.

I barely had time to heal. That led up to my last post last November.

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It was early Friday afternoon and I was just informed that since my ex-wife was travelling to New York for a much needed weekend off, my 21 year old daughter - who had not been in my apartment in at least 3-4 years - would be having Sabbath dinner with my 19 year old son (who lives with me) and me. So in honor of this, I decided to make one of her favorite meals, garlic chicken wings and rice. My back was still very sore and cleaning the leftover feathers off the wings was a very labor intensive job. But I was glad to do it and was really looking forward to spending the evening with her.

By 7pm, the wings were cooked and we sat down to eat. But I was very sore and tired and needed to eat in bed, since my back felt enflamed. Over the past few months, the pain in my back and right leg had progressively worsened. I had lower back fusion surgery back in 2000 and now, 12 years later, it appeared that the disk above the fusion, as well as the one below the fusion, has weakened significantly. I had already had 3 epidural injections into my spine and even though they gave me a little relief, it as not enough to really make a difference. The next move, according to the pain doctor, was an injection to calm the arthritic nerves, hoping that would do the trick. The possibility of further surgery was discussed and rejected because there were numerous "hot spots" and the doctor felt there was way too many nerve compressions to operate successfully on. Instead, I would be forced to deal with the constant pain through drug therapy. Not an ideal situation. But after spending so many years in pain, it appeared to be the most logical determination.

So, my back was hurting and I was forced to lay down to eat. By the 4th wing, my stomach started to cramp up and I felt the need to go to the bathroom. Now, it needs to be noted that because of all the narcotics I took for pain, bowel movements were few and far between. In fact, for at least the past 1-2 years, I was happy to go to the bathroom once a week. But usually, I felt much better once I was able to relieve myself. This time, however, no matter how hard I pushed (sorry of the graphic nature of this paragraph), nothing was happening. The more I strained, the more sick I felt. Finally, I just gave up and decided to wait it out.

By 6am, I decided there was something very wrong and I called 911. I wasn't 100% this was the way to go. But better safe than sorry. It took about 10 minutes, but finally the ambulance arrived with the news that they would only take me to St. Francis Hospital (and not Evanston). St. Francis has a terrible reputation in town and I was not very happy with this. But since I had never been there before, and because I was in a great deal of pain, my brain just accepted this turn of events, and off I went.

Once in the ER, it didn't take too long for them to determine my diagnosis. It seemed I had something called Diverticulitis - which is an inflammation of the colon wall, causing significant pain and serious complications that could be fatal if not treated. I was immediately put on a water/ice chip diet and admitted to the hospital.

Let's go back a moment and fill you in about another part of the problem.

When I began dialysis, I was offered a choice of dialysis styles. The first style is called Hemodialysis and was what I had been doing. In hemodialysis, you are hooked up to a machine for 3 hours (three times a week). The machine removes the blood from your body, washes away the toxins and returns the clean blood back. It isn't painful at all and really the only drawbacks are the time commitments (3 hours every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, for perhaps the rest of my life) and a feeling a exhaustion following each procedure. Because of the simplicity of the protocol, it is the type of dialysis everyone is started on. Because it's done at a dialysis center (or hospital), all that is required of the patient is to lay down and rest. I'd watch TV, read or even surf the internet.

The other type of dialysis is called Peritoneal dialysis. This type of dialysis is far more involved. However, it is generally done every night at home, freeing up your time each day. In addition, because it does not require blood transfusions, there is no period of exhaustion after each treatment. The way Peritoneal dialysis works is that a catheter is permanently placed inside your stomach into the peritoneal cavity. Fluids are flushed in and toxins are removed through osmosis.

While I was in Evanston Hospital, I was asked which type of dialysis I preferred. There were clearly pros and cons for both types. I liked PD (peritoneal dialysis) because it meant not having to get a job around a 3 hour/3 day commitment. Plus, from the way it was presented to me, there seemed to be a great deal more flexibility that way. But I also liked the fact that with HD (hemodialysis), my individual responsibilities would be less. The truth was I really was not in sound enough mind to make the decision right then. But my nephrologist determined that it would be best for me to have the PD catheter inserted since I was in the hospital already anyway.

During late November, I entered into a training program to teach me how to operate the PD machine and all that was entailed in doing PD. It was totally overwhelming and I quickly realized PD was not the way for me to go. For one thing, the tremendous amount of equipment I was required to have on hand - especially if I were traveling - was overwhelming. But the biggest concern was what happens if even the slightest mistake is made. Add that to the tubes that would have to be led from the bedroom to the bathroom, to filter and drain the machine just seemed so much. Finally, I made the decision to go back to HD, which just make a whole lot more sense, given my lifestyle and abilities. Besides, I could always change my mind in a few years, should things change. Simply put, I preferred the idea that I could just go to the dialysis center every other day for a few hours are rejuvenate my mind while others did the grunt work. It just made a lot more sense. And I justified the switch by remembering that I really wasn't given a chance to decide which one was best. I felt pushed into it.

However in the mean time, I had the stupid catheter still in me and it needed daily scrubbing and cleaning. The day I made the final decision to go back to HD was the Friday I made the wings.

I was in St. Francis Hospital for 5 days. While the staff was nowhere near as bad as it was in Montefiore 10 years prior, they really did deserve the reputation that had. The worst of it was that no matter how much I reminded and implored them to keep my PD catheter clean, they admitted they had no idea what was entailed in doing so. The incompetence was shocking. After 5 days, they transferred me to the Grove, a nursing home nearby that they had an arrangement with. I arrived there on Friday evening and soon discovered they were not prepared to have me. For one thing, they tried to pick me in a semi-private room. Because I am immunosuppressed, I can not be placed in anything but a private room. In addition, they had none of my medications (even though they had been informed the day before of my arrival). So I was not given any of my heart or sleeping medications. That left me extremely anxious and wide awake all night. Add that to the fact I was still not eating anything and it was a recipe for disaster.

One thing they wanted from me was to stabilize my bowel issues. I was now on a liquid diet, which added soup and jello to my menu. But they wanted me to eat something solid. I simply could not stomach the idea. On Monday, I was brought a hot dog and actually ate about 1/3 of it. On the staff's insistance, I was given a strong laxative to finally clear out my bowels (I had not gone to the bathroom for now almost 3 weeks). That was clearly a mistake.

I remember two things that happened next. The first was calling my brother and telling him I wasn't certain I was going to survive my stay at the Grove. Nothing was improving and I felt very neglected. I seriously needed an advocate to speak for me because my brain was short circuiting. I was very confused and couldn't make a decision for anything. The second thing was running to the bathroom to finally relieve myself. The cramps were there, but the ability to push it out wasn't. The more I strained, the more pain I felt. Finally, I realized that if I try any more, I was going to pass out. So I got up and went back to bed. In hindsight, I'm amazed I made it to bed without fainting.

I then paged the nurse who took almost 45 minutes to come to me. I informed him that I needed to call an ambulance to take me to the hospital. He clearly felt I was overreacting. Finally, I got in touch with my Rabbi and he put the fear of G0d in them. I finally convinced the nurse to call 911 and this time they agreed to take me to Evanston Hospital. What happened next is still a blur. I arrived in the ER and after I informed the ER doc what my symptoms were, the number of medical personnel greatly increased. Suddenly, the room was a hotbed of activity. I recall them giving me a lot of pain medicine and also asking for someone who could sign a permission form (next of kin). I was far too sick for fear. But it didn't really matter because they weren't standing any time talking to me. Then everything went dark.

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I remember hearing a whirring sound and that's when I realized my arms were tethered to the table. When I tried to speak, no sounds were forthcoming. Slowly, my brain came around and I realized I was on a respirator. But why? And why were my arms tethered to the bed. It was all very uncomfortable. I do not remember too much from this time. I do recall my ex-wife coming to visit and apparently I had been placed in a controlled coma for about 2 months while I healed. The diagnosis was that I had an abscess and perforation of the colon - basically meaning I had a hole in my intestines. Because of the likelihood of toxic shock, left untreated, this perforation is fatal. Because I forced my way to getting an ambulance while at the Grove, I saved my own life.

In the mean time, for the 2nd time in 10 years, I found myself intebated and waking from a coma. I swear, if it didn't happen to me, I'd never believe it. My immediate concern however, were the shackles on my arms. As I woke up more, I managed to convince the nurses to remove the ties for a few minutes at a time. They were concerned that if left to myself, I would pull the respirator out - which would not be a good thing. Thankfully, I wasn't fully awake and slept to majority of the day away. Slowly, I began to learn how t communicate while there was a tube down my throat. But as I improved, I began to fret over taking the tube out. I remembered how excruciating the feeling was when they woke me from my transplant. But before I knew it, the day came to remove the tube and they did so without much trouble.

If I'm not mistaken, I spent the next week in the ICU, improving each day. I was informed how fortunate I was to survive the ordeal - specifically because of my suppressed immune system. In order to cure my illness, I was pumped with massive amounts of antibiotics - all through an IV. The side effects of these drugs was a steady sour stomach and no appetite. They wanted me to eat, but there was just no way I could convince myself to put anything solid in my mouth. Because of this, I was losing significant weight. I was on a nutritional IV mixture. But that as basically just to keep me alive.

The doctors moved me to a regular hospital room about a week later and I remained there until early March. I still was not eating and on top of everything else, my gout was acting up. The more I was awake and aware, the more I comprehended what had befallen me. In a nutshell, I suffered from constipation for so long that I developed Diverticulitis. Because of the (lack of) care at St. Francis, I developed a secondary infection of Peritonitis, which is inflammation of the peritoneal catheter - the very thing I warned the doctors at St. Francis about. Of course, this all led to the abscess and perforation of the colon. Ironically, my mother suffered from the same illness when she was 64 years old. She barely survived it. At this point, I was considering all my options, including filing a lawsuit against St. Francis. Since I am still recovering, I've put off that idea for now. But I intend to lawyer up soon and take an honest look at all my options.

Since a hospital is the absolute worst place for someone who is immuno-compromised, the medical staff wanted to move me ASAP to a rehab facility. But there were issues as to my dialysis schedule, as well as securing Kosher food. It was finally decided I would transfer to the Brentwood North nursing home, about 20 miles north of where I live. The reason being that they have in-house dialysis. To my relief, the facility really was above-average. The grounds are well groomed and he staff, for the most part, seemed first rate and competent. Of course, with any Medicare facility, there were some drawbacks and staff issues. But compared to the facility I found myself in last summer (when I recovered from knee surgery), this place was pretty good.

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It’s now been two plus months since I first arrived here at Brentwood and word is I am to be discharged on Tuesday. There have been numerous plusses and minuses during my stay. But overall, it’s been a positive experience. Among the difficult times was a pretty significant rash on my stomach, which would drive me crazy. In addition, I had considerable difficulties with gout. Thankfully, the staff (including the doctors who managed my care) took these attacks seriously and supplied me with the necessary pain meds to deal with it. My appetite was another issue. As long as the antibiotics were dripped into my arm, my desire for anything edible was nil. But once the antibiotics finished running their course, my appetite came roaring back – helped by appetite-enhancement drugs. The amazing part of this was that I really have not had a normal appetite since my transplant. But with these medications, along with not eating anything for three months, really gave me a lot to make up for.

Another issue I dealt with was the dialysis catheter in my right shoulder. In a couple of weeks, I will be having a fistula (permanent catheter) put into my left upper arm. But until the fistula is matured (anywhere from 2-4 months), I’ll need to keep the catheter in my right shoulder working. Already, during the course of the past few months, I’ve had to have the catheter reopened after clotting issues. The operation to have it reopened was not terribly painful until the Lidocaine they used to numb me up wore off. Generally, I was in significant pain for 2-3 days after each time. Even now, being 4 weeks since they last “opening”, I still experience what feels like a burning and tearing feeling at the catheter site. For the past month, I have been getting IV infusions of 2mg of Dilauded, which works wonderfully. But the IV compound is more addicting that the pill form (which does not work nearly as well) and since I’m going home Tuesday, I need to wean off the dose. So that way, I won’t have withdrawal symptoms when I’m home. The sad part is that I won’t have as much pain relief, either.

On the positive side, while it took longer than expected, I w have been able to learn (again) how to walk. I had to learn it 10 years ago, as well. The good thing was that I was able to see the improvements daily. The doctor realized soon after I woke up that my anxiety would be a serious hindrance to rehabbing. So they immediately put me on anti-anxiety medication that has kept my spirits up. In truth, everything I have gone thru over the past 10 years would make a lesser mortal want to commit suicide. Aside from the anxiety and depression, the pain I’ve dealt with has been, in a word, excruciating. Most people, by he time they are 50, might have had to go thru one of the illnesses I deal with. For the past year (at least), it seemed that as soon as they fixed something wrong, something else would break. It was a vicious cycle I hope has reversed.

As I mentioned, I still have two more surgeries to go. The fistula will be implanted in a couple of weeks and my colostomy reversal will hopefully take place within a month or so. I’m considerably stronger than I was a few weeks ago and am at least strong enough to drive and walk up stairs. I suppose I ideally I’d prefer an additional week. But that could just be my anxiety talking. Truth be told, I really am ready to start doing this on my own. I think the first clue that I was getting ready was that my desire to write has slowly returned. I’m still waiting for my interest in a romantic relationship with someone to come back. Perhaps because of where I am and the fact I have a bag attached to my intestines has sapped whatever desires I have. But then that’s just another reason to want the reversal sooner than later. I do have a lot of fear about that surgery – most notably because I’ve read that it often is followed with a short-term bout of incontinence, which is not something I’m looking forward to.

All in all, it’s been a very long road to recovery. Although some will claim my nursing home stay is a vacation (it isn’t), I really could go for a week on a warm Florida beach. I believe I deserve it. Unfortunately, I can’t afford it. This summer – sans the health issues – should mirror last year, when I had to take multiple long distance trips to the NY area to bring my kids to and from camp. But that’s ok. After all, driving relaxes me.

So now you know what happened to me. I don’t know how consistent I’ll be about writing at first. But like everything else, in time everything should return to normal. It will just take time.

Dear readers,

Due to another serious health issue, I'm taking a break from blogging. As some of you know, I am a heart transplant recipient and now, ten years later, my kidneys have decided to fail me. I've started dialysis and am hopeful that once I'm used to the new me and the enormity of the change in my lifestyle and the way I feel, I will get back to blogging. Thankfully, modern medicine has made dialysis a common and successful alternative to death.

The doctors have told me that I can stay on dialysis for many years. However, the idea of a kidney transplant has definitely crossed my mind. Perhaps that will be a possibility for me. I mean after all, it wouldn't be the first transplant I ever had. I'm just not sure my body and soul are ready for another one.

So for now, I'm on a hiatus.

Shayne

The morning after

So it's over and the President pulled out a very narrow victory over his Republican opponent.

But what does it really mean?

As the song goes, "there are three sides to every story - yours, mine and the cold dark truth." Here are some truths:

1. ObamaCare - It can not be repealed and is now the law of the land. Good, bad or indifferent, we have only the ability now to accept what I personally believe is the destruction of the greatest health care in the world. It may have been broken, but instead of fixing the broken part, ObamaCare took a hammer and obliterated it.

2. Supreme Court - it is unlikely that there will not be a SCOTUS opening for 4 years. The likelihood of that opening being to replace a conservative is better than 50/50, meaning the balance of the court could well shift decidedly leftward. Based on Obama's two appointees, whoever does join the court will not be a true constitutional conservative. If the SCOTUS who retires is a conservative, then Obama's choice could give the court a liberal majority for the first time in many, many years.

3. Iran and the Middle East - Obama has talked a good game and I guess we'll now find out if he really means it. Based on the previous 4 years, I do not see much optimism regarding the long term safety in the region - especially in Israel.

4. Benghazi and Al-Qaeda - Who? The non-FOX media basically gave Obama a free pass on this scandal. Unless that same media decides to treat the President like a head of state, and not like a deity, Benghazi - and those who died there - will be forgotten. The same goes for Brian Terry and the hundreds of Mexican nationals who were murdered by weapons from "Fast and Furious."

5. The deficit - Well he certainly owns it now. Without the ability to blame his predecessor any further, it is now up to the President to make things better. With a debt expected to fly way past the $20-25 trillion mark over the next 4 years, the status quo is not a worthy goal. But the electorate no longer cares about the economy, like they once did. What would have caused a landslide loss in years past, is no longer the top concern of Americans, who instead want someone to give them goodies like free contraception.

Regardless of last night's doom and gloom, the sun still rises and nothing has changed overnight. After all, had Romney won, Obama would still be President until January 20th. For the fifty million who voted for Obama, congratulations. But remember, fifty million Americans also voted against him. We have to accept the fact our guy lost. But we also have to remind the victors that Obama has no mandate, unlike 2008. Because the House is still in the GOP's control, gridlock will continue to stifle any real fundamental changes. Like the past two years, it will get ugly and brutal. But sometimes the status quo is far better than changing things for the worse.

It was indeed a rough night for the right. It's not the first time and sadly won't be the last. But in four years we get to do this all over again. At best, Obama may move center since he doesn't have to appeal to his base any longer (highly doubtful). At worst, we continue America's decline for four more years.

America has spoken and we truly get the government we deserve. But it isn't the end of the world. We've faced harder challenges in the past and things looked might bleak then.

We'll survive this too.

Things In My Brain Today

In the 1970s, when I really started following the Dallas Cowboys, it seemed whenever a miracle was needed to pull out the game, the great Roger Staubach would say a "hail mary" and poof - there it was. While that seemed to happened all the time, there were games that were just not be victories (Super bowls X and XIII come to mind). But far more often than not - even into the mid '80s (with Danny White at the helm), it happened. At the time, I recall how many football fans hated the Cowboys because they seemed to find a way to win in the end.

But ever since they last won a Super Bowl (in 1995), it seems that not only do they not get that lucky play ever so often, they instead seem to be never getting that win fro the jaws of defeat. It appears that for the past 17 seasons, whatever can go wrong will go wrong. For those of us spoiled by the arrogance and overwhelming success (prior to '95), it's a tough pill to swallow. Especially in a town that lost the last two World Series', even when they were just one strike away - twice - from winning it all.

The answer is complicated. For one thing, very little really separates one team from another. Every year it appears some different team shines that wasn't supposed to. Whether by luck, scheduling or some miracle play, a team can either be 6-10 or 10-6 due to a stupid penalty or missed completion or some other boneheaded mistake. In theory, the good teams overcome these mistakes. As for the Cowboys, they have some great players, but they are a terribly dumb team that does not learn from their mistakes. As long as they have a coach and a general manager who accepts mediocrity, they will never be anything but mediocre.

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I understand that the country pretty much divided between the left and the right politically. For the most part, I can accept that. What I can not accept are those who blindly promote a candidate without having a clue as to why. I was watching a late night show the other night (Jimmy Kimmel) and he sent out someone to ask which First Lady - Michelle Obama or Ann Romney - won the FLOTUS debate the night before. Now of course, there was, nor has there ever been a debate between the candidate's wives. But most of these people who were interviewed sounded so certain that their choice won that they even claimed to remember some of the things the ladies said.

Another interview dome was at a university campus (can't recall with one, but it was a major state university. This time, they asked college students and teachers who they support. However, when asking the questions, the interviewer switched the platforms of the parties. For example, he asked one couple who was wearing matching Obama buttons if it bothers them that Romney has not had a defense briefing in 8 months and then lied to cover up what happened in Benghazi?

His response was that it was despicable and proof Romney is not capable of handling the job of President. The woman who was with him said she had no idea what Benghazi is. When told he made a mistake and it was actually Obama ho hadn't had a briefing and Obama was is covering it all up, his reaction was that the interviewer was lying and from "what I hear" Benghazi is just a right wing distraction.

Why is it always a "right wing" distraction when it's negative about a Democrat, but a huge scandal when it's negative about the Republican? Does anyone remember when the left went nuts over what they claimed was the outing of Valerie Plume? even though it turned out to be Richard Armitage who outed her (she wasn't even classified), the NY Times ran the story on the front page for weeks. Yet we have what appears to be a massive cover up, where an Ambassador and 3 soldiers are killed in a terror attack on the anniversary of 9/11 - something the Situation Room watched IN REAL TIME as it happened, and not only were the rescuers available to help them, they told to stand down.

The President knew within an hour what happened. Instead of acting as a President should, he flew off to a fundraiser in Las Vegas. Within the next 5 days, Ambassador Susan Rice, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton AND President Obama went in front live audiences (including at a speech the President made at the UN) and blamed it on a You Tube video no one saw. It was 9 days longer before the President admitted it was in fact NOT caused by a video and was in fact a terrorist attack.

Hillary even lied straight to the face of one of the dead soldier's father when at the funeral she pledged to arrest the guy who shot the stupid video. Sadly for America, and her believe in free speech, it wasn't a day later that they arrested the film maker on some technicality.

And now we are over a month past the attack, and only bloggers and FOX News is even mentioning the attack. Brian Williams had a perfect opportunity to at least ask the president a simple question about it. Yet his desire for an Obama victory has forced his mouth shut. You have to believe that if Watergate was done by a Democratic President, Woodward and Bernstein would have never become famous.

As much as I truly want to blame the whole fiasco on the inept and incompetent President, the sad reality is that without the mainstream press covering up for every word and deed Obama does, he wouldn't get away with anything.

I'm not looking for any favors from the press. Just that they play by the same rules. A free independent relies on it too much for it to be so biased.

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So the election is in 9 days and both sides are spinning so hard it's making me dizzy. But I have to say Romney's strategy to take the high road in the last debate really has changed the outlook of the race. Romney has decided to expose the President for being who is already is, but the media had well hidden. Obama's actions these past couple of weeks speak of a man who is desperate and is throwing mud at the wall hoping something sticks. But the more mud he flings, the dirtier he becomes. Four years ago, Obama spoke about hope and bringing everyone together. Well, the last 3+ years have shown just the opposite. But even though many in the press still swoon in his presence, Romney has forced Obama to abandon the charade. That's why Obama is using the term "Romnesia" and putting out creepy videos of children singing for Der Leader, or promising that voting for Obama is better than sex.

When Ronald Reagan defeated Jimmy Carter in 1980, you could see the contrast in the way the two behaved in office. Carter was a southern good 'ol boy, while the Reagan's exuded class and style. Around the world, that spoke for American strength. They brought honor and respect to the While House, which in turn gave off an aura of professionalism and power.

Under the Obama's, respect for the job and the office has completely disappeared. From the pictures of Obama with his feet parked on the President's desk to the ads that attract the animal desires of the people, Obama does not make up rise as a people. He may be "cool" and "dreamy," but he's also shallow and empty. No matter how badly the left wing elite wish to portray Mrs. Obama has the style icon of America, she's not Jackie O. In fact, when it comes to style and grace, she's no Laura Bush (or even Barbara Bush, either). Michelle Obama would truly not cause me a moments concern had it not been for all the undeserved adulation she receives. Does anybody truly believe that had her husband not won the election anyone would gave a crap about her fashion sense?

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I have a lot of friends and family living right in the path of Hurricane Sandy and my thoughts and prayers are with them. As someone one has been in multiple hurricanes - including two of the worst in Andrew and Camille - I know enough not to take it lightly. Aside from the heavy winds and flooding, often times the power will be out for days, meaning no air conditioning, so charging cell phones. Also, at least in Hurricane Andrew, we had no running water for weeks. It was a huge and uncomfortable mess - especially for children. I reckon it's too late to fly or drive away somewhere out of Sandy's path. But even if the worst doesn't hit you head on, there is still plenty to watch out for.

As for me, I am getting a second epidural injection Tuesday and if I improve another 20% I suppose I should be grateful, But enough is really enough and I am so tired of not being able to go up and down stairs at will, or even just walking more than 10 feet with out pain. This has all cost me my job, the quality of time I spend with my kids and any chance at meeting someone special. After all, not many women want a guy who can't walk and has no money. Am I right?

The Case for Mitt Romney

It certainly should not come as a surprise that I am endorsing Governor Romney for President. There is no doubt that I lean to the right side of the political aisle and considering my last two endorsements went to the Republican candidate, it is hardly a surprise. However, to my defense, my political views are varied throughout the years. I will admit voting for Bill Clinton in 1992 and Al Gore in 2000.

However, as the world changed post 9/11, my awareness of world events has deepened and for a myriad of reasons I find myself much more aligned with the GOP. These reasons run from the economy to foreign policy.

That being said, here are some reasons why I believe Mitt Romney should be the next President of the United States:

1.  "It's the economy, stupid"

There is no question the economy is the main issue for the majority of Americans. Even if you accept that the entire economic crash was due to former President Bush (which, as I'll explain, is far from accurate), the fact of the matter is that President Obama has now had 4 years to fix it and it's only only gotten worse. When elected in 2008, Obama stated two very specific points. One was that it was unpatriotic and irresponsible to have a $4 trillion dollar debt over 8 years. He also said that if he busted the budget as recklessly as Bush did, he would be a "one-term" president.

Well, he has busted the budget to the tune of an additional $6 trillion over 4 years, with estimates of a $20 trillion deficit by 2020. In addition, unemployment today is 7.8% and only that low because so many people have stopped looking for employment. I can site numerous measures and stats to back all of this up. But simply ask your neighbors and friends if they are better off today than 4 years ago. When food prices are skyrocketing, gasoline prices are 200% higher than in '08, food stamp recipients are up 50% and interest rates are purposely kept as low as possible, who is getting hurt the most? Of you answered anything but the middle class, you're sadly mistaken.

The option is to continue on the path Obama promised would change things for the better, and give him an additional 4 years to do the same things he's done (or not done), or give the job to someone who has a proven record of economic success.

2.  "Are we safe?"

Four years ago, Mr. Obama pledged, along with all the other candidates (except Ron Paul) that Iran will not develop a nuclear weapons under his leadership. He took a very bold, albeit safe stance on the issue. We are now 4 years ahead and while Iran has yet to successful create a bomb, they are also much, much closer to it. Obama believed that his personality and his being a healer would convince the  Ayatollahs to give up this folly. And soon after, when it was obvious to everyone that they rigged their Presidential elections, which sent thousands of Iranian students out in the street in protest, Obama mostly stayed in the background, assumed betting on the government to withstand the protests (which would show the Ayatollahs good faith in negotiations.

So while these protesters were shot in the street, and they cried out for America's help, Obama sat silent (aside for a toothless condemnation). Had the President acted like a man, like a Reagan, or even a JFK, the message to the Ayatollahs would be clear that the US means business. Instead, it became sadly apparent that the relationships between the US and her solid allies became very reversed. first, his canceling the missile defense shield to Poland, promised by the previous administration was given up to appease Russia, even though the purpose was to stop Iran. Then, Obama sided against the rule of law in Honduras, in their legal move to remove their president, who had been grabbing power he is constitutionally not entitled to. The Honduras Supreme Court ruled that the President must be removed from office. A majority of Hondurans supported the measure. However, US President Barack Obama weighed in an threatened the nation of Honduras with crippling sanctions if they do not reinstate a man the Hondurans consider a dictator - who by the way is the closest friend to Hugo Chavez.

And yet, this pales in comparison to how he treated his closest allies. His consistent condemnation of Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu - from sending him out via the back door, by the trash cans, to his snubbing him for dinner during a state dinner, to his nasty comments to Sarkozy to Obama's changing the rules of land-swap agreements that had been the basis for a peace settlement. Obama has continuously demanded concessions from Israel, without any progress from the Palestinians. His one-sided approach to dealing with Israel has, more than any action, destroyed any hope for a two-state solution.

And even that pales to what he did in Egypt. Anyone with eyes and a sense of history knew that taking down Mubarak would hand the Muslim Brotherhood the keys to the country. While Democratic leaders, such as Obama and Nancy Pelosi were praising the democracy on the streets, they washed away the reality that this who situation was carefully planned and executed by the Brotherhood. Their intention was to overthrow Egypt when they assassinated Anwar Sadat. But with American friendship, Mubarak was too strong for them to conquer. So instead they had a leader who kept the peace with Israel, was a strategic ally who saw to the Suez Canal remain open and free and kept the Islamists at bay in a mostly secular country.

But within days, Obama went from backing him up to stabbing the ally in the back. Once Obama abandoned Mubarak, he was done and as many of us expected, Egypt has turned into an anti-American, anti-Semitic, anti-Christian Islamic cesspool of violence against their own people - especially women. You want to see a real war on women? Take a look at the people Obama has been forging alliances with.

Of course, you can add Quaddafi to this list as well. He was no saint, but when he realized Bush was serious about fighting the war of terror, Quaddafi changed his tune, removed his WMDs and started behaving. How was he repaid? I think you know the answer to that. Here too was the Muslim brotherhood initiating a so-called freedom movement that simply turned out to be the way for them to overtake the country. And this time he did it with missiles and rockets that defied the American War Powers act.

3. "Who do you trust?"

In the latest Presidential debate, President Obama said that the key to this election comes down to "who do you trust?' For the past year, Obama has painted this picture of Romney as a Wall-Street fat cat, who lives high in the hog as the regular working class schmo slaves away for pennies. This kind of populist campaigning is not new and in fact has been a common theme is presidential politics since Andrew Jackson's time. At times, it has been very successful (look up "Tippecanoe and Tyler too!"). But for it to work, you need to be believable in your self assessment. Yes, Mitt Romney is wealthy. Now, in all honesty, President Obama is not a poor man. The difference in the two is that while Romney has made his money in business, Obama has made his mostly as a politician, paid by the public dole. Yes, he made a lot of money as an author. But his books would have never sold had he not been a politician, especially President.

When you consider the two top issues facing the country today - the economy and foreign affairs - there should be a clear cut answer. Do you trust someone who for 4 years has not only not improved the economy, but has in fact made it worse? Do you trust a man who saw to the first credit downgrade in American history? Do you trust a man who bailed out an industry on the backs of the bondholders who where illegally passed over by his union friends? Do you trust a man to create a universal health care plan that not only hasn't anyone really read it, but has never polled higher than 40%? Do you trust a man who while Benghazi was attacked and the Ambassador killed, decided to lie to the UN and to the American viewers that this was all caused by a YouTube video no one has seen? Do you trust a man who, while he may not have used the word "apology", went to numerous countries confessing our so-called sins, without also lauding the incredible accomplishments this country has made for world peace? Do you trust the judgement of a man who before knowing any facts proclaimed that the Cambridge Police Department acted "stupidly"?

Or do you trust a man who was a very successful businessman, community leader, former Church leader, father of five men who are all honest, decent and hardworking? Someone who has balanced budgets and has successfully worked with the other party to get things done.

Look, I'm not saying Romney is perfect and not made mistakes. The question is who do you trust? President Obama has shown us all what the next 4 years will look like. We know that these next four years will be no different than the last four, and quite possibly - for many - much worse. We've seem what is happening in Greece when the money runs out. We've seen what is happening in Iran as they are 4 years closer to an atomic weapon. We've see what has happened in Egypt and Libya while Obama attends another celebrity fund raiser.

The question is less "who do you trust" and much more "how can you continue to trust him?"

Sure, you can cite this so-called war on women. Or you can scream that voting against Obama is somehow racist. Personally, if you want to see an improvement in race relations, you will vote for Romney. The reason is it will truly show we are a colorblind society if we vote out the first black President. I still don't understand why is racist to vote for Romney because he's white, but not racist to vote for Obama because he's black. Of course, most of us true conservatives do not see the world through a racial prism.

There is a stark contrast between the two candidates. One is serious about running the country for the benefit of the American people. One is more concerned with fund raisers with Hollywood stars. One will spend his available hours trying to fix the problems that ails us. The other had to be taken from the golf links when it was time for a photo op in the situation room. One is truly an adult running for the most responsible and intense job in the world. The other is putting out commercials likening voting to losing her virginity. This is not a serious man. And to consider that Joe Biden will remain a heartbeat from the Oval office is likewise frightening. If these last 4 years have shown us anything, it's that Biden has either the onset of Alzheimer's, or truly is the least intelligent VP we've ever had.

This election is not Obama vs. Bush and it isn't 2008 anymore. The President is no longer an unknown. He has a record now. And the failure of that record is the exact reason the Democrats are pushing this war on women, or this moral outrage over some congressman saying life begins at conception. It's the reason the media has been so mum about a terrorist attack that killed 4 of out finest. It's the reason the administration wants to badly to put the blame on either a stupid video or on Romney's (correct) response. Anything to not embarrass the president or his chances at re-election.

That is not a serious man and is an excellent reason not to trust the President with 4 more years. On the other side, perhaps it will take another 4 years before he comes clean about "Fast and Furious," which resulted in hundreds of deaths in the US and Mexico. Perhaps it will take him 4 more years to come clean about Benghazi. The American people deserve honesty and transparency. Obama promised transparency.

If he is willing to lie about that, how can we trust with with anything else?

Debating the Third Debate

Three up and three down and so the Presidential debate season is over. At this point, only the most strident Obama supporters do not concede that the President was awful in the first debate. Obama was clearly off his "game" and it showed. Not only did Governor Romney hit his from all sides, but the President gave barely a defense. It was, perhaps, the worst showing for a candidate ever (and I'm including Adm. Stockdale).

However, the first debate usually goes to the challenger for a myriad of reasons. Nonetheless, whatever momentum the President enjoyed up to that point was frittered away that evening. For months, the Obama team has tried - often successfully - to paint Mr. Romney with a false brush. So when the real Mitt Romney showed up that night, many perceptions were proven false. That led to a complete reversal of momentum and put Romney in the lead in numerous polls.

The Vice Presidential debate did the President no favors, either. Rather than compensating for Obama's poor performance, VP Joe Biden went overboard with his disdain for Congressman Ryan. Instead of looking like the adult in the room, Biden came out looking like an ornery old man who wanted the kids off the lawn. His inappropriate laughter and outright tall tales (they didn't know the Ambassador to Benghazi asked for beefed up security?) showed that Ryan was more the adult and clearly more competent.

Most pundits had already declared the President the winner of the second debate even before the first question was asked. This time, Obama was more engaging and aggressive. But on the heels of the Libyan murders, there was not a lot he could say to counter Romney's damning attacks, both in regard to Libya and to the economy. Since this election has, or should be, about the poor economy, Obama was forced to defend a record that has not been positive against a contender whose strength is the economy. The best that can be said about the second debate is that neither candidate really hurt the other - although Romney's damning review of the last 4 years was a wicked shot.

Now we came to the "foreign policy" debate. Anyone who would have predicted the strategy that the governor took is kidding you. Many on the right expected Romney to hit Obama upside the head regarding Libya. However, Romney decided that this was his last chance to show the world he is Presidential. So instead of attacking the President, he took the high road. Meaning, he did not go after Obama and often agreed with him. What that did was to once again show people he isn't who Obama has painted him out to be.

Now this strategy could easily have backfired. Obama could have highlighted that if their policies were so similar, what need is there to switch to Romney. But Romney is successful for a reason and he understood that by taking the high road, he exposed the low road of Chicago politics. Instead of accentuating the similarities, Obama became snide and extraordinarily mean. He belittled the governor and more than once was very condescending. His reactions and answers - and especially his visual dark stare - did what Biden's laugh did. It showed how the real adult was and who is better tempered to be the President.

As far as the questions went, I do not believe we learned much about each other's policies that we didn't know before. Obama was caught in a big lie regarding the GM bailout and Romney's comments about Obama distancing himself from Israel was pretty strong. But in reality, all Romney really needed to do was expose Obama's 4 year record as a failed experiment that can not be repeated. Once Romney was able to move the debate back to economics, Obama was a sitting duck. And no matter how he dressed it up, the record does speak for itself.

In essence, Romney was 2 steps ahead all night. If I didn't know better, I would have guessed that Romney was the incumbent and Obama the challenger. It's not common that the debates would move the needle to far. But that was due to Obama's decision to try and paint Romney as some right-wing ideologue. The truth of the matter is that Romney was not the first choice of the right-wing conservatives. He was considered way too moderate. Obama calculated that because Romney has an R next to his name, he must be a dangerous man.

Sadly for Mr. Obama, the bubble he, and the far left live in do not allow for contradiction of their agenda or views. Obama seems to have fallen into that trap as well and it very well may have cost his his Presidency.

"Binder-Gate" and the Lapdog Media

It's unreal.

I'm watching various news shows on the television and every single one of these programs are talking about the comment Mitt Romney made the other night about "binders." In the debate, he was speaking about when he was governor, that he had binders filled with resumes from women in order to fill up his cabinet. His purpose was to fill these positions both equally between men and women. He asked his people to find qualified women for some of these positions because, for whatever reason, only qualified men seemed to be seeking these jobs.

So he tasked them to find equally qualified women and said, "'Can you help us find folks?' and they brought us whole binders full of women."

Anyone who isn't a blind partisan knows that he meant he had binders of resumes, and not literally binders of women. Common sense also should tell you that.

And yet, with the election less than three weeks, these talking heads are making this into a huge deal. These are he same people who have made a big deal about Paul Ryan washing dishes at a soup kitchen last week. Even after the people in charge came forward and confirmed that Ryan was indeed washing dirty dishes (they had left some aside for him to wash). Yes, it was a cheap photo op, but every politician, including Barrack and Michelle Obama, have done the same. In fact, when the Obama's did it, they were lauded as the perfect couple for it (with Michelle in $700 sneakers).

And yet while the media has gone into def-con 1 over "binder-gate," nary a word is spoken about Obama's outrageous debate comment about the cause of high gas prices. Romney started off with this criticism:

The proof of whether a strategy is working or not is what the price is that you're paying at the pump. If you're paying less than you paid a year or two ago, why, then, the strategy is working. But you're paying more. When the president took office, the price of gasoline here in Nassau County was about $1.86 a gallon. Now, it's $4.00 a gallon.

Put plainly, Romney told the audience that whatever strategy Obama has regarding lowering gas prices is clearly not working. His proof is that when Obama came into office, the average price of a gallon of gas was $1.86. Today, it's more than double that.

Here was the President's response:

Well, think about what the governor -- think about what the governor just said. He said when I took office, the price of gasoline was $1.80, $1.86. Why is that? Because the economy was on the verge of collapse, because we were about to go through the worst recession since the Great Depression, as a consequence of some of the same policies that Governor Romney's now promoting. So, it's conceivable that Governor Romney could bring down gas prices because with his policies, we might be back in that same mess.

Did you get that? According to "the most intelligent President ever," gas prices have risen 130% because the economy is improving??? This had to be the most asinine thing the President has ever said! Just to make it simple, gasoline prices are an indicator of the economy. When the economy is strong, prices are LOW. To put it another way, if Obama was correct in his assumptions, gasoline prices today would be close to $0.

One of the main reasons are economy is in the dirt is because gas prices are so high! Higher prices means consumers have to pay more - meaning the keep less and put less into the economy!

Yet this comment goes mostly unreported. This statement by the president shows exactly why he is unfit for the office. We live in a free-market, Capitalist society and for our Head of State to not understand the simple fundamentals is both stunning and scary. The fact that the media is spending so much time on trivialities is also scary, but far from stunning.

Post-Debate Debate

Just a few hours ago, the second presidential debate between President Obama and Former Governor Mitt Romney transpired on national television. Here are a three thoughts I jotted down prior to the debate:

1. There is no doubt in my mind that unless Pres. Obama repeats his performance from the first debate, the entire MSNBC crew will declare him the clear winner - regardless of the substance, or even honesty of the answers.

2. While the audience members who ask the questions are supposedly "undecided" voters, there will be a few questions that will be clearly set up to provide "gotcha" moments for President Obama to attack the Governor. In addition, Moderator Candy Crowley will will show her bias in more subtle ways - be it how often she cuts off Romney, while not affording him the same time to rebut Obama. Sadly, most people will overlook this.

3. Anything close to a draw will cause certain FOX commentators to crow that Romney was the victor, regardless of the actual final tally. However, as opposed to MSNBC, it will not be from their newscasters, but from opinion guys, like Sean Hannity. On MSNBC, ALL of their newscasters are opinion people.

And here are three thoughts I had during the debate:

1. As expected, Obama came out swinging. In fact, at one point, it looked like the two candidates were going to get into a physical altercation. As for style points, having a more animated Obama certainly adds to the debate. However, unlike Romney - who was strong and focused again, just like last time, Obama seemed to speak faster and with a higher octave than normal (especially at first). Considering his last performance, I'm really not surprised.

2. Under no circumstance should the moderator have allowed the question about how is Romney different from George W. Bush (and yes, she had veto power on which questions would be asked). There were two significant issues at play here. Number one, the woman who asked was clearly not an independent, nor would I ever assume she was an undecided voter. The reason this question as so inappropriate was because, for one thing, GWB is not running for President and hasn't in 8 years. The world is a far different place in 2012 (I thought Romney answered as best he could for such an imbecilic question). The other reason is that the question allows the President to once again do what he has done since he started running in 2007 - and that is "blame Bush." Which of course, he did once more tonight. 

The only way this question could be fair would have been if the moderator then called on Obama to explain how he's any different from Jimmy Carter. I would have loved to see Romney pull that out of his hat. But my impression was he was trying to be more Presidential and not use the tactics of the left. instead, he simply kept harping on the President's own record, which truly can not be defended.

3. For the first time in memory, we really do have an election between two completely different world views. And the contrast was very clear tonight. Regardless of past success or failure, both candidates showed a passion into their core beliefs. The only time I felt that this was not the case was in regard to the Libya question. Anyone who has followed this story from the beginning knows that Romney was correct. Yes, the President mentioned "acts of terror" but it was in passing regarding all terror acts, not this one. The question is, if he truly meant to include Benghazi in his remarks, why then did he send his UN ambassador Susan Rice to go on Sunday morning talk shows - a few days later - to assure American the attack was directly caused by a spontaneous riot over a YouTube video? In addition, Obama himself appeared before the UN and also said the video was the main cause of what happened (he said it 6 times in his UN speech). However, the idea of it being a terror attack against the US on the anniversary of 9/11/02 never passed his lips. Even 2 weeks later, Obama refused to say it was a terror attack while being "eye candy" on "The View."

Conclusions

In reality, who "won" the debate will be over shadowed by who told what lies. I have to give credit to the President for actually appearing to be interested this time around. After the two debate debacles this administration suffered over the last two weeks, nothing but how he appeared tonight would have been accepted by the left base. I do believe those who support the President will feel this was a good win for him. Those who support Romney will say it was a great win for Romney. Unlike the first debate, neither candidate came out flat and uninspired.

I do believe that the Libya issue is going to be the one that will give Obama the most concern. After the debate, Candy Crowley said on CNN that she was mistaken and Romney was 100% correct regarding his claim that the administration was not consistent, or even truthful in regard to the attack a few weeks ago. I truly believe that this one talking point will be the one most talking heads will focus on over the next week. If so, that portends very poorly on the President, as it was Romney who was correct.

There was, by my estimation, one major gaffe. President Obama claiming that the reason gas prices are now so high, as opposed to when he entered the office, was due to the economy tanking in '08, is ludicrous at it's face. Low gas prices are a lagging indicator of growing economy, not a one that's slowing. To me, this shows the complete lack of understanding how the economy really works.

My take from this debate is that on style and points, it was a slight won for Governor Romney. It would have been a bigger win had Romney been allowed to follow his answers after each Obama attack. However, the moderator allowed the President close to 10% more time than she did the governor. Like what happened at the Vice-Presidential debate, the Republican was often cut off by the moderator, while the President was not (with one exception at the end).

For the most part, I thought the questions were fair (except the GWB one) and I had no issues with Crawley's follow-up questions. In terms of voting, I've pretty much made clear which candidate I prefer and I am trying to be as honest and consistent as possible in this post. I do fully understand that it is vastly more difficult to debate as an incumbent, especially when your four record is not very favorable. The Governor did the right thing by constantly explain what he would do as President, as well as hammer Obama on what he has failed to do over the past 4 years.

On the other hand, Obama used a brilliant strategy of using Romney's words in the Republican debates against him. Of course, in the primaries, Romney had to appeal to the base constituencies in order to even get the nomination. But the best thing he did for his party was naming Paul Ryan his running mate, Once he did that, he secured the backing of the Republican Party. Where Obama is failing is he has been trying to paint Romney as a stereotypical, right-wing ideologue. But after these two debates, countless Americans aren't buying it. Yes, Mr. Romney is but stiff and Mr. Obama ais as cool as the other side of the pillow. But these are very serious times and because these two are so fundamentally different, there is a clear choice for the election.

Do we want someone who has been successful in all his endeavors on a grand scale, who has a true understanding of how our economy works and who speaks of American exceptionalism like he means it? Do we elect someone who's experience in government was to get along with the opposition to work for the betterment of the country? Someone who has and knows how to balance a budget and more importantly, understands the severity and responsibilities of the office in which has been given responsibility for?

Or do we elect someone who has - from day one - blamed his predecessor for doing many of the same things he is doing now? Yes, the nation was in a major financial mess when he became the President. But over 4 years, he has not only not made it better, but has in fact, made things progressively worse. The president offered hope for rebuilding our future according to his fundamental way of thinking. He surrounded himself with far left ideologues who admitted to following the teachings Chairman Mao and other anti-American figures. He has pushed Keynesian economics that have never worked on a grand scale in the history of the world. 

President Obama likes to say "we should not go back to what got us in this mess in the first place." Sadly, he fails to acknowledge the fundamental facts as to why we were in this situation at all. This post is not the forum tonight to review those facts, as I have discussed them in detail over the course of the past 4 years. In addition - and this can not be stressed enough - the President has had four years, including two with a majority-proof House and Senate, to do the things he has wanted to do. Now it's four years later and what have the results been? Unemployment is up, we now have a $16 trillion deficit, we have a bureaucratic disaster called "ObamaCare" that will easily destroy whatever financial recovery we can muster. We have a foreign policy that is the laughingstock of the world - only it's our sworn enemies who are laughing, while our friends are dismissed. we have a joke of an immigration solution, where the individual states have been sued by the federal government for doing the job the feds are not doing. We have 47 million people now on food stamps and 23 million people out of work - plus G0d knows how many people have simply stopped looking for work. We have a man as President who refuses to meet face to face with world leaders - even if he speaks to them by phone, the seriousness of the situation requires a certain amount of respect - wile instead jettisons off to a Las Vegas fundraiser and an appearance on a late night television program.

I've heard the excuses from the Obama people, about how he is in special touch with the leaders by phone and how it would have been unacceptable to cancel his Vegas fundraiser. To which I say "BULLSHIT!" A leader leads. A leader wants the ball late in the 4th quarter in a close game. A true leader would have told his guests and hosts that because of the tragedy in Libya, going to a fundraiser and having a celebration is poor taste and also sends the message of priorities, which this President so clearly lacks.

The two questions you should be asking are what has President Obama really done that would deserve him an other four years? And what will happen in four years after we've had a repeat of these past four?

50 Great Songs From 50 Great Years

1962-2012

My 50th Birthday (October 15) - For the past year, I had contemplated what kind of list I wanted to do to celebrate my turning 50. After much deliberation, I decided to go all out and create an ambitious 50 song list, consisting of one song each year that brought back the most memories for me. In addition to a short blurb about each tune, I will try to convey why each song was listed.

I have no doubt that these songs do not hold the same meanings for you. However, in some cases, those who have known me may see the correlation between the tunes and the influence some of you had on my life. If not, then please just enjoy the list regardless.

Shayne

Music Charts the Week I Was Born:

#1 Single -- "Monster Mash" by Bobby 'Boris' Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers
#1 Album -- "West Side Story" by Original Soundtrack

Other Events:

1582 – Pope Gregory XIII implements the Gregorian calendar.
1863 – The H. L. Hunley, the first submarine to sink a ship, sinks during a test, killing its inventor, Horace L. Hunley.
1878 – The Edison Electric Light Company begins operation.
1894 – Alfred Dreyfus is arrested for spying.
1939 – The New York Municipal Airport (later renamed La Guardia Airport) is dedicated.
1951 – The first episode of "I Love Lucy" airs on CBS.
1956 – Fortran, the first modern computer language, is first shared with the coding community.
1966 – Black Panther Party is created by Huey P. Newton and Bobby Seale.
1989 – Wayne Gretzky becomes the all-time leading points scorer in the NHL.
2003 – The Staten Island Ferry boat (Andrew J. Barberi) runs into a pier at the St. George Ferry Terminal in Staten Island, killing 11 people and injuring 43.

1962  Hey, Baby -- Bruce Channel



Delbert McClinton played the harmonica part. At one Channel's shows, he was supported by a then-unknown Liverpool group, the Beatles. John Lennon was so impressed with the harmonica intro that he asked McClinton how to play it. A year later a similar harmonica passage showed up on The Beatles "Love Me Do."

Is there a better tune for someone's first year on this earth?

1963  The End of the World -- Skeeter Davis



This tune was originally an international hit for Country artist Skeeter Davis, peaking at #2. The record achieved the unusual feat of reaching the Top 10 on Billboard's Hot 100 Pop, Adult Contemporary, R/B and Country charts. Davis' four-chart top-ten accomplishment has never been duplicated by any other female vocalist in the history of Billboard.

I was just a year old, and perhaps my memory of the song is from a couple of years later. But this, and other songs like it, influenced my melancholic taste in music.

1964  A Hard Day's Night -- The Beatles



The title was taken from an expression Ringo used to say. In a 1964 interview with DJ Dave Hull, Ringo explained: "We went to do a job, and we'd worked all day and we happened to work all night. I came up still thinking it was day I suppose, and I said, 'It's been a hard day...' and I looked around and saw it was dark so I said, 'Night!' So we came to 'A Hard Day's Night.'"

One of my earliest memories is hearing this song by the pool at the Arnstein Jewish Community Center, in Knoxville, Tennessee. The Beatles were huge in the '60s and influenced almost every other band. I was still too young to know rock and roll from opera. But this was the age my memories began.

1965  My Girl -- The Temptations



This was written by Smokey Robinson and Ronald White, who were both members of The Miracles. Robinson wrote the lyrics, which were inspired by his wife, Claudette. In a 2006 NPR interview, Robinson explained that he wrote this with David Ruffin's voice in mind. It was the first Temptations single to feature Ruffin on lead vocals (Eddie Kendricks and Paul Williams sang lead on previous Temptation's singles), and it led to a greater role for Ruffin, as he became their primary lead singer.

There were three things you heard often on Knoxville radio stations back then; The Beatles, Elvis Prestley and Motown. I suppose that's where I got my love for that style of music. The Temptations, the Miracles and even the Platters (pre-Motown) influenced my tastes as a child. I could say it was the treatment of blacks back then. But I was just a kid. Still, it did hit close to home.

1966  Cherish -- The Association



This was the followup to The Association's first hit "Along Comes Mary." The band was popular in the Los Angeles area, but gained national fame when this was released. Their keyboard player Terry Kirkman, wrote this in a half hour and incorporated it into their live act. Mike Whelan, who was in an earlier band with members of The Association, liked the song so much that he persuaded his new group, The New Christy Minstrels, to perform it as well. The Minstrels almost released it as a single before The Association.

I suppose this was the moment I started to really listen to the music my siblings played. However, the strongest memory of this song was hearing it on a road trip the next year to Florida (the first of many). Laying in the back of the station wagon and having a bladder incident on my brother.

1967  The Rain, The Park and Other Things -- The Cowsills



This was co-written and produced by Artie Kornfeld who later went on to be one of the concert promoters of Woodstock. This was the breakthrough hit for the family group, The Cowsills, who were the forerunner of The Osmonds, a group that would appear on the same record label a few years later. Unlike the Osmonds, the boys' mother Barbara also features on the recordings. The Cowsills also made many television appearances during the late 1960s and the early 1970s and they were an inspiration for the Partridge Family.

After all of these years, my memories of living in Knoxville have mostly faded (I left there when I was 6). But this song, along with "A Summer Song" by Chad and Jeremy, harken me back to walking with my sister among the Dogwood trees. It's a very strong and warm memory.

1968  I Heard It Through The Grapevine -- Marvin Gaye



This Motown classic about a man who finds out his woman is cheating on him was written by Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong. Strong came up with the idea, and asked Motown writers Holland/Dozier/Holland to work on it with him. They refused to credit another writer, so Strong took it to Whitfield, who helped put it together. Marvin Gaye's version was included on his 1968 album In The Groove (later re-titled I Heard It Through The Grapevine), and after E. Rodney Jones, the Chicago disc jockey at WVON, started playing it on the air, Berry Gordy reconsidered and released Gaye's version as a single, which became even more popular and known as the definitive version of the song.

Going on 6 years old and all I see on TV are hippies in the west, race riots in the east and war overseas. I remember my father speaking at an MLK memorial service in Nashville and also the difficulty traveling with my nanny, who was black. It just didn't seem right. Any of it. I suppose that's why I'm a conservative today.

1969  Crystal Blue Persuasion -- Tommy James and the Shondells



In an interview with Tommy James, he explained: "'Crystal Blue' was interesting. First of all, I was becoming a Christian at that time, and we never thought a thing about it. We never thought that doing something semi-religious was any big deal. We didn't think of it as being politically incorrect or anything like that. We just did what felt right. I wrote 'Crystal Blue Persuasion' with Eddie Gray and Mike Vale. Eddie came up with the little guitar riff, and Mike and I did the lyrics. And it just felt very right as a sort of semi-religious poetic song, but it turned out to be one of the hardest records I've ever made.

There were three songs I considered for this year; this one, "Aquarius" by the 5th Dimension and "Traces" by Classics IV. Each one conveyed strong memories from that year. Most notably was seeing the Kennedy Space Center, soon after the Apollo 11 launch, and traveling through the remnants of Hurricane Camille. This was also the year we moved to Dallas. But for some reason, that part of my memory is mostly gone. Perhaps there is good reason for that. 

1970  The Love You Save -- Jackson 5



Like "I Want You Back" and "ABC," this was written and produced by "The Corporation": Freddie Perren, Deke Richards, Fonce Mizell, and Berry Gordy Jr. With this single, the Jackson 5 became the first act ever to have its first three chart singles top the Billboard singles chart. The original lyrics concerned traffic safety. After the song was altered to fit the style of the Jackson 5, only the title and the line "Darling, look both ways before you cross me" survived.

Oddly, the song that most reminds me of 1970 was something that harkens be back to a trip we took back to Knoxville. But the year had an interesting start. My dad gave the invocation at the Cotton Bowl Classic on January 1st, between #1 Texas and Joe Theiesmann's Notre Dame Fighting Irish. The 'Horns won the game and took the national title, with me, sick as a dog, on the sidelines trying to understand what the heck was going on (it was the first football game I had ever been to).

1971  It's Too Late -- Carole King



This intimate song is a great example of the singer/songwriter sound that King helped popularized. Over a moody melody, King sings about how she realizes her once-promising relationship is over. While she's putting on a brave face, she's feeling tormented inside. This was released as the B-side to "I Feel the Earth Move." After a few weeks of continuous airplay with "I Feel the Earth Move," many DJs all over the States decided to give "It's Too Late" an equal amount of airplay. Soon, it came to the point where everyone preferred "It's Too Late," which ended up topping the charts by May of 1971. "I Feel the Earth Move" never charted.

By 1971, I was already really into top 40 music. This particular song goes back in my melancholy list and reminds me of driving to Florida on a summer vacation. To be exact, the memory is actually of driving down I-75 in Tifton, Georgia, sad because the heavy rain we were driving through did not allow us to stop at the Howard Johnson's playground we had stopped at a year earlier. My brain clearly holds too many sad memories. 

1972  Rocket Man -- Elton John



Space exploration was big in 1972, and that was an inspiration for Bernie Taupin's lyrics; the song came out around the time of the Apollo 16 mission, which sent men to the moon for the fifth time. Another influence on Taupin's lyrics was the short story of the same title written by Ray Bradbury. The sci-fi author's Rocket Man tale is told from the perspective of a child, whose astronaut father has mixed feelings at leaving his family in order to do his job. For Elton, this was just his second top 10 single. But it was the beginning of his wild ride to fame.

I chose Rocket Man for two reasons; first, this song was everywhere and it began Elton's dominance on the charts. Secondly, it reminds me of the summer spent in Atlantic City, with my sister. While my parents and brother went to Israel (it was his turn), my sister and I stayed with my grandparents in a senior citizen hotel. It was especially rough for my then 18-year-old sister. All I can truly remember from it was the smell of cabbage they served almost daily and an old man who complained about my wearing an American flag patch on my pocket.

1973  You're So Vain -- Carly Simon



The person Simon is singing about in this song remains a mystery, as she has never made it clear who she wrote it about; rumors include Warren Beatty, Kris Kristofferson, Cat Stevens, and Mick Jagger, all of whom she had affairs with. Carly has been elusive and changed her story a bit when asked the inevitable question about the song (strange considering the album title). In 1974, she told Modern Hi-Fi and Music: "That song is about a lot of people. I mean I can think of a lot of people. The actual examples that I've used in the song are from my imagination, but the stimulus is directly from a couple of different sources. It's not just about one particular person."

My first airplane ride and my first visit to Israel and Europe. But more importantly, for the first time, I noticed that there were something called "girls." My life hasn't been the same since. 

1974  Lonely People -- America



This was written by Dan Peek, who was one of the three original members of America. Many of Peek's compositions show a very spiritual and searching side and "Lonely People," a call for the lonely and despairing to seek God, is one of those songs and easily his best-known. Sadly, Peek died in 2011.

"Story" songs were all the rage in '74 and probably not ironically, this was the first year I became obsessed with listening to the radio every night. It was also the year I was introduced to America, who to this day is still my favorite band. As for the song, loneliness and melancholia are once again the themes. My sister went away to college in New York and my brother to high school in Colorado. I was alone for the first time and felt it deeply. Even a second trip to Israel and Europe didn't fill the void.

1975  Magic -- Pilot



This was Pilot's first hit single. It was written by the band's keyboardist Billy Lyall and its guitarist David Paton and was produced by Alan Parsons. The song was their only Top 40 hit in the US. The band's guitarist David Paton performed (along with Pilot's other hit "January") this song as a soloist in the Countdown Spectacular 2 concert series in Australia, which occurred from August to September of 2007.

I spent many summers in Miami Beach and many of the songs I'm posting harken me back to those carefree summers. 1975, for some reason, stands out as a particularly happy summer and this song really brings me back there. This was also the year I celebrated my Bar Mitzvah. Why, oh why did platform shoes have to be the style this one year??

1976  Silly Love Songs -- Wings



This was the answer to much soul searching on McCartney's part to whether he put too much stock in "Love Songs." He once commented: "The fact is, deep down, people are very sentimental. If they watch a sentimental movie at home, they cry, but in public they won't. We don't like to show our emotions; we tend to sneer at that. And in the same way, people may not admit to liking love songs, but that's what they seem to crave." Paul wrote this in response to a post-Beatles breakup comment by John Lennon, in which Lennon claimed that the only songs that Paul wrote for the Beatles were "Silly love songs."

America's bicentennial celebration lasted the entire year and you could not escape the "Bicentennial Moment" continuously played on TV. When I look back at '76, I think of that, as well as "Welcome Back, Kotter" and "One Day At A Time." Man, I had the biggest crush on Valerie Bertinelli!

1977  New Kid In Town -- The Eagles



"We were writing about our replacements." That's what J.D. Southersaid about this song, which he wrote with Eagles members Glenn Frey and Don Henley. Souther was part of the flourishing Southern California music scene, and often collaborated with the Eagles, also cowriting their hits "Best Of My Love" and "Heartache Tonight." Souther explained: "'New Kid' emerged from our whole fascination with gunfire as an analogy. The point was at some point some kid would come riding into town that was much faster than you and he'd say so, and then he'd prove it. That's the story of life."

It was my turn to grow up and leave home. So I headed off to my sister's house in California. It was a great time to live in the Valley and a great time to be somewhat on my own. Best of all, I got tall, lost weight, met a lot of girls and the Dallas Cowboys were Super Bowl Champions. 

1978  Grease -- Frankie Valli



This was featured in the movie of the same name starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. Valli was not in the film, but lent his vocals to this song written and produced by Barry Gibb of The Bee Gees specifically for the movie.  This was not used in the stage production of Grease - it was written specifically for the movie, which had the highest box office gross receipts for any musical. This was Valli's second US #1 hit as a solo artist. Three years earlier, he hit #1 with "My Eyes Adored You." Previously, he had massive success as a member of The Four Seasons, which broke up in 1978, the same year this song was released. Peter Frampton played lead guitar.

After one year in North Hollywood, I moved my 16-year-old self north to a religious boarding school in the Bay Area. I was truly on my own and had seriously mixed feelings about it. No decision I ever made had the future impact that this one would. As I seem to always do, I turned to the radio to help me cope. Not a Sunday went by where I wasn't glued to American Top 40. One strong memory from this year was spending many summer nights with friends, going to see a Grease/Saturday Night Fever double feature, while on vacation in Miami Beach. It was just $1 to get in. 

1979  The Logical Song -- Supertramp



The lyrics are about how the innocence and wonder of childhood can quickly give way to worry and cynicism as children are taught to be responsible adults. It makes the point that logic can restrict creativity and passion. Supertramp keyboard player Roger Hodgson, who wrote this song and sang the lead vocals, said in a 2012 interview: "I think it was very relevant when I wrote it, and actually I think it's even more relevant today. It's very basically saying that what they teach us in schools is all very fine, but what about what they don't teach us in schools that creates so much confusion in our being. I mean, they don't really prepare us for life in terms of teaching us who we are on the inside. They teach us how to function on the outside and to be very intellectual, but they don't tell us how to act with our intuition or our heart or really give us a real plausible explanation of what life's about.

The forces of being a teenager and getting a good education began it's fruitless battle inside me. At first, I was an eager participant. But by the end of the year, I became a cynical rebel. I got my first real job (as a pool boy at a Miami Beach hotel) and my first real girlfriend (no, the others were not blow up dolls). The year ended with a road trip with my brother to Memphis. I'd never seen fog so thick in my life that December day.

1980  Sailing -- Christopher Cross



Cross wrote this song about his memories sailing every summer with a friend in Texas. The song became a classic example of "Yacht Rock," which was a term used to define a form of easy listening music favored by the rich. And what defines yacht music better than a song about sailing? On the Howard Stern radio show, Cross explained that sailing with his friend got him away from the trials and tribulations of being a teenager. Cross said that if the guy had taken him bowling and he enjoyed it, the song could have become "Bowling."

The summer of 1980 was the last summer of my youth. No more carefree days lying out by the beach, no more carefree days without working (although I did have some part-time jobs). The '70s were over, Reagan was in and life was dramatically changing.

1981  Waiting For A Girl Like You -- Foreigner



Thomas Dolby of "She Blinded Me With Science" fame played the synthesizer intro, which was very un-Foreigner, but helped make the song a huge hit. The 4 album was produced by Mutt Lange, who called in the 19-year-old Dolby after hearing his demo tape. In our interview with Dolby, he said: "It was great to work with a top band and a top producer - I was very inexperienced in the studio. And I associated Foreigner with solid hard rock and AOR radio and things like that, but they said that they had a couple of really great ballads and that they wanted to take a different approach to them. I think to be listening to commercial radio in 1981 and to hear 15 seconds of ambient music coming out on the front of the song was very unusual.

Back home from high school and trying to fool myself into believing I was college material. drove back to Dallas in J.T's Ford 150 and got my first real job at Minyard's grocery. Even had my first real car date (wasn't easy when I was at an all boy's school for 3 years). I wonder what happened to Alysson P.? I also fell in "real" love for the first time. If I only knew then what I know now....

1982  Steppin' Out -- Joe Jackson



This song is about the anticipation and excitement of a night out on the town. Joe Jackson wrote and recorded the Night And Day album in New York City, and the first side of the album describes various encounters with the city. "Steppin' Out" is the last song on side one, and takes us on a journey through Manhattan in a taxi. The video featured a housekeeper pretending she was a Cinderella figure, and was filmed over one night in the St. Regis Hotel in New York City.

Still trying to do the "college" thing, I convinced my father to send me to New York this year. Because I never really was a student, I spent all my time either on the radio, where I discovered how much I really wanted to be a DJ, or out and about the city with girls. All that seemed to crash down when I ended up in the hospital with a ruptured disk in my back. But Adrian cooked me a corned beef for Thanksgiving that took the sting off. Football, food and a pretty girl. What more could I ask for? Well, maybe being able to walk again.

1983  Lawyers In Love -- Jackson Browne



Often mistaken for social satire (on '80s materialism), this was actually about nuclear détente and the way world leaders play games with the lives of innocent citizens. Lawyers In Love was Browne's most political album. Rick Vito contributed some guitar work on this track. He spent 3 years with Fleetwood Mac in the late 1980s early '90s after Lindsey Buckingham left the band.

Ah, the summer of '83. My first solo road trip (Dallas to New York), my first time back in Knoxville (in 12 years) and my first apartment (in Brooklyn). I was in love and working to support myself. But reality soon interceded and I discovered there was more to life than just getting by. So I gave it all up and moved back home to Texas. I've made some bad decisions in my life, but that wasn't one of them.

1984  Out Of Touch -- Daryl Hall and John Oates



In a 1985 interview with the New York City Tribune, John Oates, who came up with the original idea for the song and wrote the chorus, explained the importance of the lines in the song, "We're soul alone and soul really matters to me.": "'Don't lose your soul' is one of our central themes. Soul matters. Roots matter. They're the source of your power, your core, the energy that sets you apart from the molecules in the wallpaper."

Coming back to Dallas may not have been a mistake, but I was really regretting the decision at this point. I was lonely and depressed, without seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. The highlight of the year was a second Dallas-New York road trip. This time I took Ethan and Jeff (and Jeff's portable TV). Dating was a disaster that year and school was even worse. I finally accepted college was not for me. Not then, anyway.

1985  You're Only Human -- Billy Joel



After Billy Joel attempted suicide back in 1970 (by drinking furniture polish), it failed to kill him and he wrote the song "Tomorrow is Today" as the suicide note. Later on he was asked if he could write a song that could help prevent teenage suicide. Joel agreed, but the first recording concerned him because it had a dreary and depressing tone that he thought might give troubled teens the wrong message. As result he created a new version with bouncy, joyous beats and lyrics about personal forgiveness and optimism for life. During the song, Joel noticeably hesitates with one of the verse lines and laughs after it. He decided to keep this mistake in the recorded version because it seemed to be proof of his personal fallibility, as in the line "You probably don't want to hear advice from someone else - But I wouldn't be telling you if I hadn't been there myself."

Some years are really good and some are really bad. This particular year was both. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster the whole time. Took another solo road trip to NY, but this time to interview for a job, which I got. That, along with the news they were moving me to Miami Beach were the high points (plus the road trip with Ethan to get there). But the bad part was developing stomach ulcers which almost broke me. The rollercoaster ride continued when I was told my job was being relocated to Houston. Houston??? I'm amazed the ulcers didn't strike me dead at that point.

1986  Life In A Northern Town -- Dream Academy



Dream Academy members Nick Laird-Clowes and Gilbert Gabriel wrote this song, which is dedicated to the singer Nick Drake, who was 26 years old when he died of an antidepressant overdose which may have been suicide in 1974. His work was very influential to many British musicians and songwriters, and his legend grew after his death. The band's record label didn't want to release this song, they felt it needed more drums. They refused and the song became a worldwide hit.

Living in Houston was just as depressing as I feared it would be. To add insult to injury, I worked for a sociopath who made my life even more miserable. A February conference in the northeast allowed me to spend a wonderful weekend with friends in Baltimore and another summer road trip with Ethan (back to NY) gave me some sanity. But the solo drive back brought me back to the sad realities of a lousy job and lonely life. Getting my heart broken in December added a sad epitaph. 

1987  Don't Dream It's Over -- Crowded House



Crowded House lead singer Neil Finn wrote this song. He explained in an interview with Goldmine: "I wrote that on my brother's piano. I'm not sure if I remember what the context was, exactly, but it was just about on the one hand feeling kind of lost, and on the other hand sort of urging myself on: Don't dream it's over. That one actually fell out literally, without me thinking about it too much."

Just when you are convinced you'll never be happy, life has a way of smacking you in the face. Somehow, I found my mojo and it seemed everything was going my way. Taking the bull by the horns, I forced a transfer out of Houston and moved back to New York. In the fall, I got engaged and started to make some money. In hindsight, I wasn't prepared for what would lie ahead. But at the time, I thought I was reborn.

1988  Under The Milky Way -- The Church



This haunting song was by far the biggest hit by the Australian new wave band, although they've had a long career. It was written about a place in Amsterdam called The Melkweg, which is Dutch for "The Milky Way." The Melkweg is an old factory building that houses a coffee shop, bar, movie theater and art space, and often hosts live music. It was frequented by Steve Kilbey, the band's front man. He co-wrote this song with bassist Karin Jansson.

Ready or not, there I went. I was 25 and tired of being alone. Everything was great through the summer, but disaster soon followed. My new bride had a miscarriage and I became a scapegoat at work. By the end of the year we lived in Arizona and what I hoped to be a new beginning turned into a long, hard road. As they say, from the frying pan into the fire...

1989  Closer To Fine -- Indigo Girls



Amy Ray and Emily Saliers of the Indigo Girls write separately, and this song was written by Saliers, who told us it is based on real experiences. Said Saliers: "All of my songs, they're a combination of real experiences and what I observe through other peoples' behavior and experience. I was with my family in Vermont, and we were sitting in this rustic cabin, and I was sitting on a front porch and looking out into the trees, which, you know, whenever you're in such a bucolic setting, it can make you feel very philosophical. So that's how I was feeling."

Arizona was a disaster from the start. Sadly, my wife suffered a second miscarriage and after just 9 months it was time to leave the desert. We moved back to Dallas without a job and unsure what to do. It was a struggle, but we felt like we were home. For some reason, I had strong faith that all would be fine. To help ease our souls we bought a puppy. But that would be nothing compared to what we brought home a couple of years later.

1990  Blaze Of Glory -- Jon Bon Jovi



This was featured in the movie Young Guns II, starring Emilio Estevez. According to an article in Entertainment Weekly, Bon Jovi wrote the song after borrowing a script from the movie from his friend Estevez. Jon showed up on the set in New Mexico with an acoustic guitar, and played the song for the film's screenwriter John Fusco, who had used "Wanted Dead Or Alive" as "Mood Music" while writing the first Young Guns. Bon Jovi played the song for Fusco, who loved it and put it in the movie. In this song, the singer is determined to fight to his death, knowing he will be remembered for his bravery.

Just as I expected, I got a good job and all was great for a month or two. That is, until I found out they were moving me (and my job) to Chicago. So much for feeling at home. The Windy City wasn't terrible, but it was very, very cold. The worst part was that although I was now working out of the Chicago office, my territory was still Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi and Arkansas. Made no sense then and makes no sense now. At least I got a company car out of the deal.

1991  I Can't Make You Love Me -- Bonnie Raitt



Producer Don Was told Spinner UK the session for this song stands out for him as a time when he stood back and watched greatness come out. Said Was: "We knew this was a great song; we had Bruce Hornsby in there playing piano with her. But when she connected to this thing, I don't even know how to describe it. But I guess it's like someone hooking you up to an electrical current; it was a physical experience to sit there and listen to it as it was going down there in the studio. And it was incredibly emotional. The only thing we ever had to change was a couple of lines where she started sobbing while she was singing. It was just an emotional thing, and she connected to the core of the song, and it was magnificent. And you can hear it today. It's tough for me to listen to that record today and not get really emotional. And I can't even relate to the song. It's, like, a woman's song. It's not what the song is about that gets me, it's some indescribable thing about the raw emotion in her performance."

What started as such promise (job-wise) once again ended in disappointment. In March, I was informed my territory was being transfered once again -  this time to Los Angeles. With a pregnant wife and no desire to work for the LA boss, I took my severance and we headed to Denver, where her parents lived (ugh). But it insured my daughter would be born safe and sound. Now I was entering fatherhood without a means to support my family. Staying with the in-laws was as horrible as you can imagine and by the very beginning of the next year, I took my talents to South Beach.

1992  Just Another Day -- Jon Secada



Secada is an American singer/songwriter of Cuban origin with a masters degree in jazz from Miami University. The album Just another Day was one of the biggest albums of 1992, selling over 6 million copies worldwide. Gloria Estefan sang backup on this. Secada co-wrote 6 songs for her 1991 album Into The Light, including her #1 hit "Coming out of the Dark." He toured with her as a backing singer before he signed to SBK Records and launched his own career with this album in 1992.

Most everything I remember about 1992 revolved around Hurricane Andrew. We evacuated, along with a million others, and finally found a hotel room outside Orlando. We celebrated my daughter's 1st birthday with the neighbors across the hall, as we were all one big, happy family - due to there being rations on water and electricity. Believe me, being in South Florida in September - with no air conditioning - is not all it's cracked up to be. 

1993  Dreams -- The Cranberries



Written by front-woman Dolores O'Riordan and lead-guitarist Noel Hogan, "Dreams" is the second charting single by The Cranberries, from their first album. Together with "Linger," these two singles forged a name for the band that carried them until the thundering (and thunderously successful) "Zombie" from their second album. These two songs ("Dreams" and "Linger") is yet another MTV-Cinderella story - the band saw only moderate success until they toured playing support for the London Suede. From there, MTV picked up their videos for the two singles and gave them heavy airplay.

Once again, we were on the move. Although we stayed in Miami Beach for almost 2 years, I jumped at the chance to take my dream job outside of Detroit. By the end of '93, I was happier than I'd ever been and suddenly found myself the father of two, when my son was born in December. I missed the ocean and hated the frigid Michigan temperatures. But it all seemed to finally be worth it.

1994  Interstate Love Song -- Stone Temple Pilots



Lead singer Scott Weiland wrote this about his relationship troubles and his growing heroin addiction. When he wrote it, he thought about what kind of a liar he had become towards his fiancé and how he had promised to stay off drugs when they went to Atlanta to record Purple, but didn't keep that promise. In Stone Temple Pilots appearance on VH1's Storytellers, Weiland explained that the band would travel in a Winnebago that pulled a trailer with their equipment. When band members wanted some quiet, they would go in the trailer with a walkie-talkie. Robert DeLeo was back there with his guitar one day when he came up with the music for the song, and he used the walkie-talkie to call to the band and play it for them.

Sometimes, everything aligns in life and you find yourself exactly where you want, and need, to be. Life 
continued to come up roses. I loved my job, adored the people I worked with, appreciated the town I was living in and was really happy. As far as I could tell, I finally found what I was looking for and felt like this made up for all the sadness and heartbreak. Sadly, that too would not last very long.

1995  The World I Know -- Collective Soul



This song has an amazingly expressive video to go with it. It's about a business man becoming disillusioned with the world and impulsively deciding to kill himself, before being saved by a pigeon who lands on his arm and cheers him up right when he was about to jump. He also draws a comparison to the ants scurrying for crumbs and the people in the streets. He ends up tossing his money to the crowd below. Anyone pondering the Libertarian moral of the above story need look no further for the explanation than to band leader Ed Roland, confirmed Objectivist, who pulled the name of the band straight out of Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead.

For the first time in years, I remained in the same city for the second full year in a row (sad, isn't it). My daughter had a lot of friends and we had a number of babysitters who were able to handle my son. I felt a part of a community and continued to love my career. However, there were ominous signs in the skies above. As I enjoyed everything about where life had taken me, I failed to spot warning signs telling me it was soon coming to an end, once again.

1996  Ironic -- Alanis Morissette



The London Times June 14, 2008 asked Morissette if she has worked out the meaning of irony yet. She replied: "Yes, I've now learnt the definition of irony - but the dictionary now says that it's a coincidence and bad luck, too - not that I don't deserve a little slap on the wrist for my malapropism. I always tell people that I'm the smartest stupid person you'll ever meet."

Don Henley once sang, "one day it's here, the next day it's gone." That's what I felt when my dream job was taken from me. One day I'm out looking to put a down payment on a house, the next day I'm told it's over. It stunned me and it took years to recover from it. Before I really knew what hit me, we wee once again moving, this time back to Chicago. No need for details, but this was the beginning of the end of my marriage (although we held on for another 10 years). Isn't it ironic? Don't ya think?

1997  One Headlight -- The Wallflowers



Jakob Dylan: "I tend to write with a lot of metaphors and images, so people take them literally. The song's meaning is all in the first verse. It's about the death of ideas. The first verse says, 'The death of the long broken arm of human law.' At times, it seems like there should be a code among human beings that is about respect and appreciation. I wasn't feeling like there was much support outside the group putting together the record. In the chorus, it says, 'C'mon try a little.' I didn't need everything to get through, I could still get through - meaning 'one headlight."

Another tough year. I did find work at a funeral home as a pre-need specialist. But when we started to make some money at it, the funeral directors decided to take over - and poof! I was out of work again. But by the end of the year, I went back to my first industry and took a huge cut in pay. Just great. I hated the type of job it was and I made peanuts, to boot. If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!

1998  Bittersweet Symphony -- The Verve



Lead singer Richard Ashcroft wrote the lyrics, which are a somber look at the ennui of everyday life: "You're a slave to money, then you die." This samples an obscure orchestral version of "The Last Time," a 1965 song by the Rolling Stones. This was recorded before they got permission from the Stones to use the riff, so the Verve had to sign away most of the royalties from this in order to release it.

Bittersweet is the perfect word to describe 1998. I worked three jobs to make ends meet and while it was a lot of hours of work, it was somewhat fulfilling. The best part of the year was the birth of my twin sons. But my enthusiasm and joy were greatly tempered by the passing of my father. At times I went from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other within the same day. By the end of the year, I was seriously contemplating a new start somewhere other than Chicago.

1999  Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning) -- Vertical Horizon



Written by Vertical Horizon singer/guitarist Matt Scannell, this is a song about a guy was in love with a girl, but they broke up. Now he is reflecting on how he doesn't want her back, although she's the best he ever had. Country singer Gary Allan recorded this for his 2005 album Tough All Over, after performing it live and dedicating it to his wife, following her suicide.

In February, I decided I had enough and we moved back to Dallas, where I switched careers dramatically and and discovered I was pretty good at what I was now doing. I was making more money, living much more comfortably and now having family of 6. Life was pretty good, although in hindsight, the marriage was falling apart. But things were changing so rapidly I could barely keep up.

2000  Bathwater -- No Doubt



In this song, Gwen Stefani sings about being attracted to a guy who doesn't return her affection. His general indifference only makes her want him more, to the point that she feels subservient to him and is willing to use his old bathwater just so she can be near him. No Doubt drummer Adrian Young does some beat-boxing in this song. In the video, he appears in drag.

The stock market was flying high and as a broker, it caused business to really boom. But in September, after 18 years of dealing with pain, my back finally gave out and I had to have surgery. Actually, this first procedure wasn't successful and I needed a much more aggressive surgery in December. On the plus side, I won my inter-office fantasy football competition ($500!).

2001  Drops Of Jupiter -- Train



In an interview with VH1, lead singer Pat Monahan revealed that he wrote this song about the death of his mother. Train released their first album in 1998, and were touring that year when Monahan's mother was dying of lung cancer - she was a heavy smoker. This was before the widespread use of cell phones, and Monahan made many stops to pay phones on the tour to speak with his mom during this difficult time. In December of that year, his mother died, and in early '99 Train was working on their next album when their record company started pressuring them for a hit. Monahan returned to his childhood home in Pennsylvania, and woke one morning with the words "back in the atmosphere" in his head. Beginning a time of healing, he started to compose the song. Said Monahan: "Loss of the most important person in my life was heavy on my mind, and the thought of 'what if no one ever really leaves? What if she's here but different. The idea was, she's back here in the atmosphere."

There is only so much one can say about 2001. At the start of the year, the market started to weaken as the dot.com bubble began to burst. Regardless, after I returned from back surgery, I felt very good about my job and was moving up. But after the tragedy of 9/11, we all knew where the market, as well as our jobs, were headed. A month prior to 9/11, we traveled to NY and it was all so surreal. As for me, I started developing symptoms of what I was told was rheumatoid arthritis. This misdiagnosis almost killed me a year later. 

2002  Perfect -- Simple Plan



Drummer Chuck Comeau's parents weren't supportive of his career choice, so he and lead singer Pierre Bouvier wrote this song to prove to his parents that he made it, and to say sorry that he's not perfect.

The market crashed and my company shut down. Once again looking for a job, my wife convinced me that we should move back to New York. I had told her years ago that if she moved us back to NY I would have a heart attack. Amazing how that happens. All summer long I noticed I was slowing down and gaining weight (a lot of weight), About 2 weeks after we got there, my son almost died from blood loss, when the glass table he was standing on collapsed and cut him across the stomach. Just 2 weeks after that, on the day I was to start a new job, I suffered a massive heart attack. After a failed bypass, I lapsed into a 4 week coma that was caused by a minor stroke. As much as I felt G0d was punishing me, I recognized he was saving me as well. I received a new heart and a second chance just a few weeks later. As Billy Joel once opined, "I never claimed to be a hero and I never said I was a saint." Certainly, I wasn't perfect.

2003  Numb -- Linkin Park



This is about children who is sick of living up to the high expectations their parents set for them. The lyric "Every step that I take is another mistake to you" is about how they feel like they can't do anything to make their parents proud. This song was conceived just one week before the band entered NRG studios to begin recording the Meteora album. Built around the intro hook, the song came together quickly and almost effortlessly.

Numb is probably the best way to describe this year. While definitely improving, my brain was still swiss cheese at times. However, early in the spring, Ethan and I drove back from Texas with all my stuff that we had left behind. But Brooklyn is a hard enough place to live when you're healthy, much less recovering from a heart transplant. After weighing all the options, we decided to return to Chicago. In some ways, it was the best thing I could do for my children (for a variety of reasons). But I mourned the  move because deep down I didn't really want to return to Chicago. 

2004  Mr. Brightside -- The Killers



Killers guitarist Dave Keuning wrote this about lead signer Brandon Flowers' ex-girlfriend who cheated on him. Flowers recalled to Q magazine March 2009 how he discovered her with another man at the Crown and Anchor pub in his hometown of Las Vegas: "I was asleep and I knew something was wrong. I have these instincts. I went to the Crown and Anchor and my girlfriend was there with another guy." Flowers added that the song was "born" at the Crown and Anchor.

For most of '04, I was definitely not Mr. Brightside. In fact, I saw nothing bright about my life and I fell into a very deep depression. It seemed that every bad memory I had returned to my brain all at once. I was inconsolable and I couldn't control it. I figure that after 18 months, my brain healed to the point where I started comprehending exactly what had happened to me and PTSD (Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder) sank in. To be perfectly honest, I felt like I had awoken from a 20-year nap and couldn't accept what had happened in all that time. To ease my mind, I decided to write about my ordeal. With every chapter, tears would flow. But also a new understanding of who I was and who I wanted to be became much clearer. The only question was "how do I get there?"

2005  It Ends Tonight -- The All-American Rejects



This song details the end of a relationship, but it's not about breaking up with a girlfriend - it's not even about a girl. Written by lead singer Tyson Ritter and guitarist Nick Wheeler, Nick told us the story in a 2012 interview: "Ty was just getting really good at telling stories in songs. That one was about a dude, but he thinks it's fun to make it sound like it was about a girl or a relationship."

With the help of a good therapist (whom I really disliked, but she was good), I moved past the depression and suddenly felt I had purpose in life. My immediate goal was to save my marriage. My relationship with my children, already solid, grew stronger as well. Plus, I was able to work a real job again. I still wasn't "happy", but I was coping.

2006  Crazy -- Gnarls Barkley



Gnarls Barkley is producer Danger Mouse (Brian Burton) and vocalist Cee-Lo Green (Thomas Callaway). This song is about losing your mind and diving into insanity, which the singer finds is not all bad. Going along with the theme of the song, the music video is done in the style of the Rorschach test, which is a psychiatric evaluation where the patient is asked what he sees in various inkblot patterns.

Sometimes, what we think we want to happen doesn't happen and yet we then realize how glad we are it didn't. I know I tried my best to fix my marriage. But sadly, it doesn't always work out the way we hope. We remained together for the course of the year, but that was mainly for the benefit of my son, who was celebrating his Bar Mitzvah in December. I now knew what to do and was learning how to do it. The moment I realized it was over, an incredible new awareness washed away my lingering depression. 

2007  Thnks Fr Th Mmrs -- Fall Out Boy



This song is about a couple who have lost romantic interest in each other, but still get together for casual sex, which is fulfilling only on a superficial level. The title contains no vowels and looks like a text message, indicating the shallow relationship. Fall Out Boy dropped the vowels as a joke when their record company requested shorter song titles.

In my quest for independence, I bought a car and took a solo road trip to my friend's wedding. The trip was enlightening and allowed me closure on a number of past memories. By mid-May, I moved out and began to start living again. As it turned out, I was right that my children were now better off and we drew even closer than before. It's amazing how being happy makes one's relationships stronger. 

2008  The Time of My Life -- David Cook



This was the coronation song and was was chosen out of 20 songs by online voters in the American Idol Songwriter's Competition. The winning songwriter, Regie Hamm, is an aspiring singer who entered the contest at his wife's suggestion - she's a big American Idol fan. The Nashville singer/songwriter has previously had songs recorded by a number of artists including Maxi Priest, Kenny Loggins and Bob Carlisle.

There were some great highs and some horrible lows this year. But they were mine and mine alone. On the positive side, I took a better paying job with better hours. On the other hand, my new boss was something of a psychopath. Now that I was separated, I started dating a college girlfriend. However, that relationship was not meant to be and it took me the rest of the year to recover. But I did and my health seemed to improve when I dated a yoga instructor a few months later. 

2009  Bad Romance -- Lady Gaga



This club banger is the lead single from the expanded version of Lady Gaga's debut album, The Fame: Monster. Lyrically the song celebrates the kind of lusty passion and desire found in a bad romance novel. Moroccan/Swedish producer RedOne helmed the song and wrote it with GaGa. He also collaborated with Lady Gaga on her smash hits "Just Dance," "Lovegame" and "Poker Face."

The year started on a sad note when my mother passed away. I also started a new relationship with someone who really caused me a great deal of drama. But for some reason (could it be love?), I let it keep happening. I really should have given it up when I had the chance. It really was a bad romance.

2010  Need You Now -- Lady Antebellum



This is the first single from Country trio Lady Antebellum's sophomore album. Group members Dave Haywood, Charles Kelley and Hillary Scott, along with co-writer Josh Kear wrote this song about yearning for companionship in the middle of the night. Scott explained in publicity materials that the song, and many others on their sophomore album, "are about what we are learning as we go through the ups and downs of different relationships." She added: "All three of us know what it's like to get to that point where you feel lonely enough that you make a late night phone call that you very well could regret the next day. But you do it anyway because it's the only thing that's going to give you any relief in that moment."

Early in the year, after being assaulted by a co-worker, I lost my job when my psychotic boss ran away to Mexico without paying his bills (or our paychecks). Thankfully, my mother's inheritance allowed me to get by until a new opportunity came around. By the end of the year, I took a new position at a restaurant and within a week was given the managerial duties when the owner's brother decided to back out. Romantically, the year was filled with tremendous drama that were both put upon and caused by me. I wasn't sure which road to take, even though I made what I thought were the right choices. However, unlike Captain Kirk, I didn't know how to cheat on the Kobayashi Maru.

2011  Rolling In The Deep -- Adele



This is the first single from English R/B singer-songwriter Adele's second album 21. The song was written and produced by Adele and British producer Paul Epworth, who is best known for manning the boards for Bloc Party and Florence and the Machine. Adele describes the single as a "dark bluesy gospel disco tune." On this revenge song, Adele lays into a former boyfriend. "It's me making a bit of a statement," she told Q Magazine. "People will hear it and go, Wow, she ain't mucking around."

I wasn't supposed to be in charge of the restaurant. But once I was thrust into the position, I did all I could - in spite of the lack of financial backing - to make it work. Sadly, the restaurant went belly up in the summer and I moved on to yet another job. For other reasons, my heart was broken in two and I entered a now 2-year period of very limited dating. Healthwise, I began dealing with pain in my left leg and an increasing number of gout attacks. Suddenly, the joy of the past few years seemed to be slipping away.

BONUS TRACK

2012  Home -- Phillip Phillips



Southwest Georgia native Phillip Phillips attended Lee County High School in Leesburg before graduating from Albany Technical College with a major in Industrial Systems Technology. Phillips auditioned in Savannah, Georgia for American Idol with a performance of Stevie Wonder's "Superstition." He advanced to the final despite being taken to a doctor for possible kidney stones after the Top 13-performance night. Phillips was declared the winner after a record breaking total vote count of 132 million in the finale on May 23, 2012.

Well, we've come to the end of the list. I feel very fortunate to have made it this far. In fact, after the transplant, I really didn't expect to have the extra years I've been given. But whether it be God's will, or sheer dumb luck, here I am. Physically, it hasn't been the easiest year, what with having knee replacement surgery and a new back herniation. But these are just bumps in an otherwise intense, and often times, painful road. Yet my optimism remains and my search for happiness and strength continues. My children keep me grounded, although they also drive me insane. But I suppose that's what kids do. Now my daughter is 21, my oldest son is 18 and my twins are 14. Life goes quickly. But thankfully, it goes on.