Another year older

For those of you who don't know, tomorrow is my 51st birthday.  Last year I posted a list of 50 songs for 50 years as a way of celebrating music and was meant to me over the years. I hope it would serve as a steppingstone towards many more years of life, love, happiness and all that good stuff. 

Instead, looking back at the list reminds me that it's just been one more year. One more brick in the road. Infected just reminds me that at 51 I'm no better than I was at 50 and possibly even worse. 

Are year ago at this time I had just found out that I had to be on dialysis and that three times a week I would be committed to the procedures required with dialysis. But like everything else I put it up as another challenge in my life just had to be done. But it hasn't been easy. At least but after January came around and I developed diverticulitis. After a few days and St. Francis hospital I was then transferred to the Grove nursing home where basically I was left alone to develop an abscess and colon dissection, due to their inibility to care properly withhaving to take care of a Peritoneal cavity. 

So I ended up in major surgery at Evanston Hospital repairing the abscess that opened up my colon. 

4 months of rehab, along with 8 weeks of waiting, my colon is still not strong enough to work normally and the reversal surgery I just went thru is not enough to make me whole again. G0d knows if this next surgery in eight weeks will be the one to make all better. All I know is that I feel gypped overwhelmed exhausted and depressed. This is.the way I wanted to go through my 51st year, but is becoming more and more the norm.

at 52 or thoughts and be going on with my new life meeting people and putting the darkness behind me but 51 is not done his part to get me there yet. I just hope it does. Because I'm really tired of getting my hopes up only to once again Having them grabbed out from my face.